06.05.12 The 6th Key for Evaluating the Respect for Boundaries in a Prospective Partner Does the Person Use Guilt, Anger or Withdrawal to Force Compromise?

6. Does the Person Use Guilt, Anger or Withdrawal to Force Compromise?

Observe how the prospective partner responds when a boundary is mentioned. Does the person remain calm and respectful; or does she or he use guilt, irritation, threats or withdrawal to influence or sway decisions? Does the individual create fear, pressure or emotional strain when boundaries are maintained?

The Bible does not report the angel instructing Joseph to abstain from sexual relations with Mary during her pregnancy. Some writers suggest that the decision could have been solely Joseph’s, in honour of deity. Under normal circumstances, however, a wife could have questioned such a ‘boundary’, given that it seemed humanly imposed. She could have resorted to sulking, anger or withdrawal to manipulatively drive the man to forget such ‘limits’ and meet her conjugal rights; but Mary does not appear to have taken that path. To the contrary, their relationship seems to have been filled with compassionate loving care and a shared understanding of the need for that limit.

Victor responded differently when Daphne maintained her boundaries. He became distant and implied that she was not sufficiently committed to their relationship, creating pressure instead of emotional safety. The man attempted to influence Daphne through emotional strain rather than trying to respect her position and understand where she was coming from.

These kinds of responses clearly show if a prospective partner’s respect for boundaries is genuine or conditional. Someone who respects your limits will not resort to emotional pressure to force you to give in or compromise. A person who reacts calmly and with respect demonstrates maturity and stability. In contrast, using guilt, anger or withdrawal indicates manipulative tendencies, disrespect and a lack of self-control.