06.04.13 The 7th Key for Evaluating Purity and Self-Control in a Prospective Partner Does the Person Govern Emotional and Physical Attraction with Restraint?

7. Does the Person Govern Emotional and Physical Attraction with Restraint?

Assess whether emotional or physical attraction dictates the prospective partner’s behaviour. When feelings of desire emerge, does the individual remain disciplined and self-controlled; or does she or he fail to restrain himself or herself? Does such attraction distort the person’s judgement and conduct?

Although the Bible is silent regarding whether Boaz and Ruth were emotionally and physically attracted to each other, we cannot rule that one out. If that was the case, the couple demonstrated restraint and honour in a moment of vulnerability. The threshing floor presented a private and sensitive setting, yet Boaz did not allow the circumstances to lure him into improper conduct. Instead, he acted responsibly, affirming Ruth’s character and choosing to follow the purity associated with the redemption law (Ruth 3:10–13).

Stephen models a life that was negatively driven by emotional and physical attraction towards multiple women and ungoverned restraint. His pattern of affectionate communication, gifts and carefully crafted assurances revealed indiscipline and lack of self-control. He managed to pull-off a deep emotional closeness with Maria while sustaining parallel emotional and romantic involvement with Bianca, Caren and Grace. Rather than unharnessed desire, the man allowed his sexual cravings to escalate without restraint, resulting in confusion, emotional pain and breach of trust.

Attraction is natural, yet it must be morally governed and restrained, in order for both of you to walk in purity. The way a prospective partner handles emotional and physical attraction reveals the strength of the person’s inner discipline and moral responsibility. An individual who appropriately governs his or her attraction protects both of you from premature intimacy and subsequent emotional injury.