06.04.03 How Purity and Self-Control Work in Our Marriage

How Purity and Self-Control Work in Our Marriage

A Personal Experience

Purity and self-control have been major hallmarks of our journey and marriage relationship. After completing my first degree, I cohabited with my husband, then boyfriend, but stopped that habit after getting saved. I repented, went back to my parents and asked for their forgiveness. Thereafter, we kept our purity until our wedding day. I narrate the full story in my book entitled Value Adding Woman: Unleashing the Potential in You.

Looking back at how my husband and I kept away from physical intimacy for a good six months until our wedding day, we discovered that each one of us could be trusted to ‘wait’ rather than compromise and taint our testimony or godliness. That experience built a level of trust that has remained firmly established in our marriage. Despite my working in male-dominated environments, my husband has never been bothered by insecurity or suspicion that I could be unfaithful. In the same way, knowing that my husband is not driven by his emotions has given me the reassurance that he would remain faithful even when I was away from home, such as for several months during my studies in the UK, and later in Australia, or when I was unwell and therefore physically unavailable for intimacy for a three-year period. Our mutual purity and self-control have consistently created a safe and secure environment in which our love continues to grow with confidence.

That same standard guided one of the most difficult decisions we had to make before our wedding. I remember the evening I packed my bags and left my husband’s home to return to my parents. We both cried as we separated, yet chose to comply with what we knew was right. The good thing was that we had both agreed to stop cohabiting. That shared decision removed confusion, strengthened our unity and helped us maintain direction during a period that could easily have led to compromise.

Our approach to intimacy has also been shaped by that same foundation of purity and self-control. We relate to each other with honour and responsibility, rather than being driven by impulse. We do not engage with pornographic content in any form, since we recognise its corrupting and destructive nature. Instead, we allow the Holy Spirit to guide us even in the kind of material we expose ourselves to, and we have never been disappointed. Over time, this has helped us avoid elevating intimacy above its rightful place, ensuring that it remains part of a balanced and God-honouring relationship. As stated in John 14:26, the Holy Spirit teaches us all things, and we firmly believe that this includes how we conduct ourselves even in our most private moments.