06.03.12 The 6th Key for Evaluating Signs of Commitment in a Prospective Partner

6. Is Your Autonomy Respected Without Control or Possessiveness?

Observe how the prospective partner responds to your responsibilities, existing relationships and personal convictions. Does the individual genuinely respect your choices; or does she or he attempt to either override or control your views?

Rachel must have attested to Jacob’s tendency to respect her autonomy. A case in point is where he agreed to her proposal to use her maid, Bilhah, as a surrogate mother (Genesis 30:3). Another indicator is that the man did not remove Rachel from her family structure or restrict her responsibilities. Rather, he worked openly within her household and followed the processes that had been agreed upon with Laban (Genesis 29:18–19). Jacob honoured the established family order and did not attempt to isolate Rachel from her environment or assigned roles, demonstrating respect for her place within that setting. Even within the polygamous arrangement back in the day, we do not see Jacob comparing Rachel to Leah but relating to her on her own terms.

Kenneth was different. After confirming their courtship, he increased his control over Monica by persuading her to downplay her ushering responsibilities and follow him as he moved between churches. This caused imbalance and tension in the relationship.

True commitment means mutual respect, not control or possessiveness. It inherently honors autonomy and your personal freedom, thereby strengthening trust, stability and mutual respect in the relationship.