06.05.03 How Respecting Boundaries Worked During Our Courtship

How Respecting Boundaries Worked During Our Courtship

A Personal Experience

During the six months between departing from my husband’s home and our wedding, two important things happened. First, we happened to be in town one day when explosions went off somewhere in the city and shops had to be shut as people scuffled for safety. With no taxis on the roads, my sister and I had no choice but to spend the night at my husband’s place. The second event was when we had a prayer night after receiving the news that one of his close relatives had been arrested. On both occasions, my husband and I slept in the same bed but never touched each other. Boundaries!

When I left my husband’s home, we both understood that God had placed a physical boundary between us which should never be crossed until our wedding day. Recalling what led to that decision, I had gone to have my hair braided when God spoke to me that living with my husband was ‘fornication’. By the time my hair was done, I had made up my mind to leave that very evening. When I shared my decision, he told me that he had also been planning to say the same after listening to a sermon that very afternoon, where a preacher had testified about leaving his girlfriend after getting saved. Therefore, for us to stop cohabiting was a decision that each of us made at an individual level.

We were clear about the values we would uphold, the limits to be observed and what we expected from each other. That clarity created an environment where trust could grow, giving us confidence that our relationship was protected from actions that would compromise loyalty or mutual respect. By not touching each other on those nights, we honoured our shared commitment and remained confident that our decision would not be breached. We respected each other’s boundaries on those two nights without any sense of rejection or complaint. Amazingly, I slept soundly that night, with no tension at all (Psalm 127:2).

Our decision to observe those boundaries was never interrupted by human pressure, suspicions or fear. For instance, my husband’s ex-girlfriend was living within the vicinity yet it never crossed my mind that he might have been seeing her during that period. All I knew was that we were being sincere with each other and faithful to one another.

We also had to define the conduct that would reflect obedience to what God had instructed us. Matters such as responsibility, commitment, accountability and appropriate behaviour could not be left to assumption. Another person might have reasoned that it was acceptable to remain in the same bed and simply avoid physical contact. However, we understood that such an approach would reflect disobedience to spiritual instructions, a lack of commitment to the Word, irresponsibility with our bodies as God’s temples, and a failure to exercise proper accountability.