06.05.08 The 2nd Key for Evaluating the Respect for Boundaries in a Prospective Partner Are Boundaries Maintained in Private as Well as in Public?

2. Are Boundaries Maintained in Private as Well as in Public?

Examine whether a prospective partner’s boundaries remain firm across all settings. Does the person maintain the same discipline in private as in public; and, does that consistency remain over time? Does the individual keep his or her limits even when there is a loop-hole for crossing set boundaries; or does the person’s standards fluctuate with the situation?

As already discussed in many places, Joseph and Mary must have been in position to attest to their ability to maintain boundaries both publicly and privately. Their conduct had followed the strict betrothal process; and, even after marriage, Joseph did not consummate the union until after Jesus was born demonstrating the couple’s unwavering respect for boundaries (Matthew 1:25).

Daphne’s case was different. The girl gradually relaxed her boundaries in private settings. Although she initially preferred interactions that adhered to her personal limits, the girl began spending extended time alone with Victor in private spaces. Before Daphne knew it, she had dropped her guard, allowing their emotional closeness to escalate into physical intimacy, a compromise that led to the painful consequences of an unwanted pregnancy.

A partner who firmly sticks to boundaries, whether in private or public spaces, demonstrates self-control and a reliable character. This reveals that his or her behavior is governed by internal conviction rather than external circumstances. Compromising, even in private, exposes both of you to poor and harmful decisions. But when the person remains disciplined and consistent, she or he protects his or her own dignity and yours as well, ensuring mutual safety and preserving the health and stability of your relationship, over time and across different situations.