07.05.13 The 7th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Emotional Healing and Forgiving Nature Has the Person Released His or Her Emotional Attachment to Former Wounds?

7. Has the Person Released His or Her Emotional Attachment to Former Wounds?

Observe whether the prospective partner remains emotionally tied to past relationships; or if she or he has genuinely released them. Does the individual still seek validation or recognition from someone who no longer belongs in his or her ‘present’; or has the person redirected his or her focus towards personal growth and ‘moved on’?

Joseph would have noticed Mary’s tendency to release any attachment to former wounds. A case in point is the wounds that had been inflicted by people in the community who insinuated that she had cheated during her betrothal. Scripture reveals how some did not believe her story (John 8:41). Despite that backdrop, the woman demonstrated compassion during a community event in Cana, a village that was roughly 6 to 14 kilometres from Nazareth, where the organising committee ran out of wine in the middle of a wedding function. It is highly probable that some of her finger-pointing opponents were among the attendees. But rather than remembering her pain and leaving the organisers to swim in their embarrassment, Mary compassionately asked Jesus, whose originality they doubted, to miraculously replenish the wine supply (John 2:1–11). That response suggests that she had released her attachment to those past offences, choosing not to act from what she had experienced. The woman had forgiven her haters and healed from the wounds the people had inflicted.

Rosalind’s experience was different. Though her relationship with Tyson had dramatically ended, she continued to monitor the man’s life, hoping he would regret his decision and get a serious setback as payment for running a parallel relationship behind her back. Her attention remained fixed on proving her progress above his; hoping to make the man so sorry for ditching her. This showed that Rosalind had not released her emotional attachment to the past, keeping her tied to a relationship that had already ended.

Emotional healing is evident when past attachments no longer dictate the prospective partner’s present focus. A healed individual releases the need for validation from former relationships and redirects energy toward growth, purpose and maturity. A partner who has truly released the past enters marriage when she or he is emotionally available, not divided between ‘what was’ and ‘what is’.