07.02.05 Emotional Maturity in Isaac and Rebekah’s Marriage – A Biblical Revelation

Emotional Maturity in Isaac and Rebekah’s Marriage – A Biblical Revelation

The story of Isaac and Rebekah, narrated in Chapters 24 to 27 of the book of Genesis, displays how emotional maturity can shape a marriage long before it ever begins. Isaac was the miracle son of Abraham and Sarah, a woman once thought to be barren. From a young age, Isaac had witnessed his father’s composure in situations that would have otherwise caused his natural emotions to waver. A classic example was when Abraham obeyed God’s command to offer the man's one and only long-awaited and therefore extremely precious Isaac as a sacrifice (Genesis 22:2). Writers describe how Isaac was between eighteen and thirty-five years at that time, therefore old enough to observe his father prepare for the sacrifice without fear, panic or resistance, to the point of tying the boy up, placing him on the altar and lifting a knife over him before Jehovah spared the child’s life.

It was not long thereafter that Abraham sent a long-trusted servant, believed by some writers to be Eliezer, to Haran, to select an appropriate wife for Isaac. Writers report how the servant had served his master for several decades to the level of being in charge of all Abraham’s possessions. On that background, Eliezer would have been very familiar with Abraham’s criteria for his son’s wife cum daughter-in-law. Although the Bible does not give the specifics, emotional maturity must have been on the scorecard that Abraham gave to the servant.

Such an assertion is not far-fetched, considering Eliezer's prayer on arrival as relayed in Genesis 24:12–14. That portion of scripture reads (NKJV): “O Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day, and show kindness to my master Abraham. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’—let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master.” Surprisingly, beauty did not feature in that prayer. Emotional maturity did.

For starters, the mere act of offering the servant a drink and watering his camels would indicate servant-heartedness, diligence, hard work and hospitality, as well as a gracious, sensitive and compassionate spirit as an entry point. Back in the day, ancient wells, such as the one in Haran, often featured steps leading down into an underground spring. Rebekah would have to go down, fill her clay jar, and bring it up to the surface. As if that was not enough, it is said that one thirsty camel can drink up to 200 litres of water in just three minutes. For ten camels, she would have to go down and up those steps several times, single-handedly. Whether Eliezer had travelled alone or with a caravan, the task would have required considerable physical effort.

The Bible reports that before the servant had finished praying, Rebekah appeared at the well. Moreover, not only did she give the servant a drink but volunteered to water ten thirsty camels in a labour-intensive task. Writers narrate how the activity could have taken between one and three hours. With Eliezer’s scorecard almost ticked, he witnessed Rebekah’s decisiveness and courage as she agreed to leave her home immediately to marry a stranger in a foreign land (Genesis 24:58). In addition, the young woman displayed courtesy and politeness when responded to the elderly servant (Genesis 24:18).

Isaac first set his eyes on Rebekah as he went out to meditate in the field one evening. She had dismounted from her camel and covered herself with a veil. Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent and she became his wife. Genesis 24:67 reports how Rebekah comforted Isaac after his mother’s death, consistent with the compassion she had already shown at the well in Haran. That was how their marriage journey began.

Rebekah was not the only one endowed with emotional maturity. Isaac also was. Apparently, a period came where disputes arose over wells dug by the man’s servants. Each time water was found, neighbouring herdsmen would claimed it. But, instead of intensifying the conflict, Isaac would move elsewhere and dig again. This did not happen once, but repeatedly. That must have tested the couple’s emotional maturity, as their household would have to pack, move, unpack and settle in, only to pack again each time they shifted from location to location, until they found a space where they were no longer contested.

For many years, Isaac and Rebekah remained without children, a thing which prompted Isaac to intercede for Rebekah, calling on the God that had caused his once barren mother, Sarah, to conceive him. When Rebekah eventually did, the twins struggled within her womb, a divine sign that the older, Esau, would serve his younger brother, Jacob. Little did they know that the much-awaited babies would challenge their parents' emotional maturity in the course of time.

The hitch came after the boys grew and their differences became increasingly evident. Esau was a skilled hunter and spent time in the field while Jacob remained among the tents. What followed was a display of parental favoritism and sibling competition, as Isaac loved Esau, while Rebekah loved Jacob.

The climax manifested when an old Isaac asked Esau to prepare a meal so that he might bless him before his death. When Rebekah overheard the conversation, she cooked the food for Jacob, coaching him on how to camouflage himself as Esau and present the dish to Isaac, whose vision had dwindled due to age. And indeed the unsuspecting Isaac released the blessing thinking it was Esau. Not until the real Esau brought his dish did Isaac discover that he had been deceived, a thing which made the old man tremble violently. And, although Esau cried out in distress, it was too late. Isaac’s blessing for Esau had been given to Jacob and could neither be retrieved nor reversed.