07.04.03 How Nurturing Behaviour Works in Our Marriage

How Nurturing Behaviour Works in Our Marriage

A Personal Experience

One of the things that drew me to my husband was the care he showed from the moment we met. Growing up in a protected environment, I was unfamiliar with navigating city life. He would hold my hand while crossing busy streets, and still does; a small gesture that spoke volumes about his nurturing character. Looking back, caring for each other is an important pillar in our marriage relationship.

Our care for one another has strengthened the emotional and spiritual support we give to each other. Through attentiveness and thoughtfulness, we have created an environment that supports stability and growth. We pray, share and reflect on the Word together, while encouraging each other to live in obedience to God’s Word and making adjustments where necessary.

My mind goes back to the time when I was gravely ill and the care that I received from my husband during that period. That was when I witnessed his nurturing nature like never before. I had been diagnosed with several conditions, one of which required that we raise the head side of our bed by six inches for almost all those years. While another partner could have resorted to sleeping in another bed or even another room, my husband slept by my side throughout that entire period. I must admit that there were moments when I felt extremely ill, but would find comfort in simply reaching out and knowing that he was right there, just a touch away. In the same way, I have also cared for him when he needed support. I recall a time when he fell and experienced a challenge in one of his arms. I nursed him, and thank God for his healing. These experiences have strengthened our commitment to be present for one another in fair and stormy weather.

Our relationship has also remained open and emotionally safe. We are able to express our concerns without fear, knowing that we have each other’s best interests at heart. I recall the early years of our marriage when we opened up to each other about how we had lived prior to meeting and before getting saved. Much as the confessions were an eye opener, to say the least, we deemed it prudent to be transparent on those matters. I vividly remember sharing my ‘messes’ openly without fear as he also shared his. That step drew us closer together. Such openness has also been evident when we encounter challenging moments. I recall a time when we urgently needed a financial breakthrough after being betrayed by a ‘so-called friend’, a situation that drove us into financial doldrums. That was when a client asked for a pro borno promising that she would give us a major contract. We trusted the lady and gave our all, only for her to change her mind a few days after completing the highly discounted pro borno work. When I realised what had happened, I was deeply hurt and cried like a baby. However, my husband was there to comfort me, having been aware of the situation at every stage.

This same nurturing approach has shaped how we handle conflict. The Bible encourages us to confess our faults to one another (James 5:16). Rather than approaching disagreements with blame or defensiveness, each of us endeavours to identify his or her contribution to the issue, seeking to understand one another and finding solutions together. In that way, issues are addressed constructively while the relationship is preserved.

We have also supported each other’s growth and development in practical ways. The first time I experienced this was when I had to leave our young children with my husband and travel to the UK for a three-month course, followed by Australia, where they joined me five months later. I was able to focus on my studies with peace of mind, knowing that he would take good care of the children. Over time, we have learnt that supporting one another’s development requires time, attention and intentional effort, even when it is not convenient.