07.03.08 The 2nd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Understanding and Application of Love Languages Are Words of Affirmation Used to Build Emotional Security?

2. Are Words of Affirmation Used to Build Emotional Security?

Observe how the prospective partner uses words. Does the individual offer sincere encouragement, reassurance and recognition; or does she or he remain silent, dismissive or critical? Is the person careless with his or her speech? Does the prospective partner’s words make listeners feel emotionally secure; or do his or her utterances cause people to lose confidence and stability?

Hannah must have observed Elkanah’s ability to use ‘words of affirmation’. The man recognised the importance of ‘words’ as Hannah’s preferred love language, especially during her seasons of sorrow. For whenever she was deeply distressed, Elkanah would seek to understand why the woman was in tears and troubled. He would even go as far as reassuring her of his love (1 Samuel 1:8). Though Elkanah’s words did not remove her barrenness, they must have provided comfort and emotional reassurance during those painful years. As already narrated, Hannah’s sensitivity to the power of spoken affirmation as a love language was further revealed, albeit negatively, by the extent at which Peninnah’s provocative words would deeply wound the barren woman’s emotions. Although the bible does not relay the specifics, those words must have stabbed and wounded Hannah’s heart (1 Samuel 1: 6-7).

Margaret, however, struggled emotionally because Fabian rarely expressed any words of appreciation or encouragement. The man assumed that his provision and physical presence were sufficient, caring less about giving her any spoken reassurance. Whenever she needed verbal recognition, Fabian’s silence would create uncertainty, weakening her emotional security and leaving her feeling ‘unseen’.

If ‘words of affirmation’ is your preferred love language, you will find that the words of a prospective partner make you feel emotionally secure and confident. A partner who understands how to apply this language tends to intentionally use speech to affirm, reassure and encourage you. His or her consistent verbal support builds your trust and emotional stability. To the contrary a partner who is a novice at using ‘words of affirmation’ makes ‘careless’ utterances that end up weakening your connection and destroying the sense of security within your relationship.