07.05.11 The 5th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Emotional Healing and Forgiving Nature Does the Person Exercise Discernment rather than Reacting from Fear?

5. Does the Person Exercise Discernment rather than Reacting from Fear?

Observe whether the prospective partner makes decisions from discernment or fear. Does the person set boundaries thoughtfully or withdraw prematurely to avoid the possibility of emotional pain? Is the person objective or rigid and defensive?

Mary must have seen Joseph’s ability to discern circumstances and take actions that were objective rather than driven by ‘the fear of man’. For instance, during Herod’s attempt to kill baby Jesus, Mary would have seen Joseph react out of panic, fear, anger or desire for retaliation. The man could have called the angel of death to teach Herod and his first born a lesson they would never forget (Exodus 12:29). But that did not happen. Instead of allowing his discernment to be governed by fear or wounded emotion, he confidently followed God’s sovereign instructions by obediently moving his family to Egypt. As already said in our story, Joseph must have chosen to forgive Herod for such a generational atrocity that had robbed Jesus of almost all the children in his age group.

Rosalind reacted differently after her painful experience. For instance, the young woman's declaration that she would never trust men again revealed that fear, amongst other elements, had begun to govern her decisions. What might have started as cautious self-protection gradually hardened into withdrawal. Instead of discerning and evaluating prospective partners objectively, she constructed a wall, to preserve her emotions from vulnerability.

‘Discernment’ is calm, observant, principled and objective, whereas fear-driven avoidance is reactive, self-protective and myopic. A healed individual exercises discernment when selecting a partner, rather than rushing carelessly into relationships or retreating due to fear. Such an approach protects the relationship from recklessness and withdrawal; and provides emotional safety since you know that the person will exercise discernment before making any decisions.