07.03.11 The 5th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Understanding and Application of Love Languages Is Physical Affection Expressed with Respect and Self-Control?

5. Is Physical Affection Expressed with Respect and Self-Control?

If physical touch is one of your preferred love languages, observe how the prospective partner approaches physical closeness. Does the individual demonstrate self-control and respect for boundaries; or does she or he act impulsively or without regard for dignity and emotional timing? Does the person’s physical affection communicate care; or is it used without emotional sensitivity or understanding? Is the person aware that sex before marriage is sinful; or are his or her physical touches seductive or suggestive?

Hannah must have experienced physical affection within the order and dignity of marriage. The biblical account records that after a season of sorrow and prayer, Elkanah knew Hannah his wife and the Lord remembered her (1 Samuel 1:19). I would like to suggest that their narrative reflects physical closeness or affection through marital or conjugal rights rather than as the couple’s most preferred love language.

Margaret, however, often felt emotionally disconnected because Fabian used physical presence, though not intimacy, without first addressing her deeper emotional needs when those were her priority. There are times when she badly needed a listening ear, conversation, reassurance or understanding, and Fabian failed to respond to that need. To the contrary, the man seemed to think that his physical presence would substitute the emotional connection Margaret desired, which unfortunately did not work.

Physical affection requires respect, sensitivity and emotional awareness. When expressed appropriately, it communicates care, safety and closeness. However, when a prospective partner displays that kind of affection without understanding your emotions first, the initiative can easily backfire. In fact, the partner's good intentions end up creating distance instead of connection.