07.04.11 The 5th Key for Evaluating Nurturing Behaviour Does the Person Provide Care and Remain Present During Conflict?

5. Does the Person Provide Care and Remain ‘Present’ During Conflict?

Observe how the prospective partner responds when strain, misunderstanding or pressure arises. Does the person withdraw care, become distant or use silence as punishment; or does she or he remain ‘present’, consistent and committed to resolving the situation?

Elizabeth must have noticed Zechariah’s tendency to provide care, affirmation and presence in a situation that could have easily sparked off a conflict. It all started when the neighbours and relatives gathered on the eighth day, to commemorate the child’s circumcision and naming, suggesting to call him Zacharias to which Elizabeth refused, asserting that his name was ‘John’. We see the visitors protesting that there was no one by that name (Luke 1:61). If Zechariah had not intervened to confirm the name ‘John’, a significant disagreement would have erupted between Elizabeth and the guests, since in the Jewish tradition, a first born was often named after his father or another ancestor. In addition, there was no way that a woman was expected to throw her weight around when it came to naming children amongst other duties and responsibilities. However, Zechariah’s response showed a nurturing environment where the couple was living in agreement and cooperation amidst cultural pressure.

Michael did not experience care or presence from Nancy during moments of strain. This became evident later that evening when he attempted to address the disappointment surrounding the day at the zoo. Rather than engaging with the concern and working towards resolving the issue, Nancy dismissed the conversation and withdrew from meaningful engagement, insisting that he was overreacting. Her response reflected a lack of willingness to remain present and address the situation constructively.

A nurturing partner maintains care even when disagreement or pressure arises between the two of you. Such a person does not withdraw support or create unnecessary conflict when situations become uncomfortable. Instead, she or he remains and is committed to resolving the matter with dignity and unity, thereby building trust and strengthening your relationship.