07.01.09 The 2nd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Emotional Intelligence Does the Person Demonstrate Self-Awareness?

2. Does the Person Demonstrate Self-Awareness through Clear and Respectful Expression of His or Her Emotions?

Consider whether the prospective partner displays the ability to recognise and understand his or her emotions before expressing them. Does the person take responsibility for how she or he feels? In moments of disagreement or misunderstanding, does the individual explain his or her rational position; or does she or he resort to accusation, blame or exerting emotional pressure?

Ruth must have noticed how Boaz was aware of ‘himself’. The man knew his position and his responsibility in the community and could communicate it in a steady and considerate manner. From their first interaction, Boaz spoke to the young widow directly rather than through another person, acknowledging her conduct then giving specific guidance on where she should glean (Ruth 2:8–9). He made his intentions clearly known, without leaving any room for guessing or interpretation (Ruth 2:11–12).

Boaz must also have observed Ruth’s self-awareness, given that her measured and deliberate words signalled a woman who understood ‘herself’. Not only were her responses free from entitlement, but she spoke with clarity, humility and gratitude (Ruth 2:10, 13). The young widow was well aware of her intention and direction and was able to express them without creating confusion, shifting responsibility or generating strain in her interaction with Boaz.

In contrast, Julius seemed to lack self-awareness, given that whenever Evelyn sought for his interventions or explanations regarding Betty’s bad conduct, the man did not seem to have taken time to reflect deeply about his position before reacting to Evelyn’s queries. As a result, his communication created confusion rather than clarity, which, in effect, left Evelyn uncertain about where she stood in their relationship.

A prospective partner who understands his or her emotions and expresses them in a manner that you can follow demonstrates self-awareness. Such communication reduces defensiveness, prevents misunderstandings and allows both of you to engage with each other’s thoughts without pressure, distortion or confusion.