07.01.10 The 3rd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Emotional Intelligence Does the Person Demonstrate Empathy by Acknowledging and Valuing Other People's Emotions?

3. Does the Person Demonstrate Empathy by Acknowledging and Valuing Other People’s Emotions?

Observe whether the prospective partner pays attention to what others feel and responds in a manner that shows understanding and consideration of the people she or he is interacting with. Does the person reflect the ability to recognise another person’s emotional experience and react sensitively to it? Does the individual listen with care and respond appropriately, or does she or he overlook, minimise or disregard what other people feel?

Ruth must have recognised Boaz’s empathetic nature, given that he was attentive to other people’s emotional and practical needs. For instance, the man had not treated her as a mere labourer in the field. To the contrary, he took note of her effort and understood the vulnerability of her situation, then spoke to her with consideration (Ruth 2:8–9). Boaz had gone further by instructing his workers not to disturb her, ensuring that she worked in a fear-free environment (Ruth 2:15–16). Rather than remaining distant or indifferent, Boaz took her situation into account, making her feel protected and respected in a foreign environment. In addition, he considered giving the near redeemer the first opportunity of marrying the young widow, which signalled empathy for the redeemer and the young widow as well.

Boaz must also have observed Ruth’s sensitivity to the needs of others, considering that she recognised Naomi’s grief and loss; and chose to stick with her for life. Some writings claim that Ruth was the daughter of King Eglon of Moab. If that’s true, the young woman would have forfeited her royal comfort and security to stay with Naomi (Ruth 1:16–17). It was empathy that drove Ruth to work diligently in Boaz’s field so as to put food on the table instead of living Naomi to starve (Ruth 2:18). In other words, the young woman made room for another person’s needs and responded to them consistently.

Julius’ case was different, as his behaviour reflected a lack of empathy. When Evelyn expressed her reservations about Betty’s conduct, the man does not seem to have put himself in Evelyn’s shoes to understand her position; or engage with what she was feeling or going through at the time. Instead, he dismissed her concerns and labelled them unnecessary. Julius failed to take Evelyn’s perspective into account but adamantly and myopically stuck to his point of view. As a result, Evelyn felt unheard and overlooked, which gradually stopped her from being open when communicating with Julius.

An emotionally intelligent partner demonstrates empathy by paying attention to how you feel and responding with consideration. Acknowledging your concerns rather than dismissing them makes you feel safe and respected. It promotes free and open communication, allowing both of you to engage with understanding rather than distance, neglect or disregard.