07.01.T03-SA — Self-Assessment: My Emotional Intelligence and Marriage Readiness
07.01.T03-SA — Self-Assessment: My Emotional Intelligence and Marriage Readiness
Purpose
This tool helps you assess your current level of emotional intelligence and identify attitudes, behaviours and relationship patterns that may strengthen or weaken your readiness for marriage. It focuses on the lessons discussed in this chapter, including self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, social skills, emotional responsibility and the ability to understand and respond appropriately to the emotions and concerns of others.
Instructions
Reflect honestly on your attitudes, behaviours and relationship patterns. Circle the score that best describes you.
| Self-Assessment Statement | Score (1–5) |
|---|---|
| I am aware of situations that trigger strong emotional reactions in me. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I regulate my emotions rather than reacting impulsively. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I think carefully before responding to emotionally charged situations. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I take other people's concerns seriously, even when I do not fully agree with them. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I make an effort to understand another person's perspective before responding. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I provide reassurance when another person is anxious, uncertain or unsettled. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I communicate concerns respectfully and constructively. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I seek facts and understanding before forming conclusions about people. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I demonstrate empathy toward people facing challenges or difficulties. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
| I remain emotionally stable during difficult or stressful situations. | 1 2 3 4 5 |
Scoring Guide
| Score | Meaning |
|---|---|
| 1 | Very Poor |
| 2 | Poor |
| 3 | Fair |
| 4 | Good |
| 5 | Excellent |
Total Score: ______ / 50
Interpreting Your Score
| Score Range | Interpretation |
|---|---|
| 41–50 | Strong Evidence of Emotional Intelligence. You demonstrate many of the attitudes and behaviours associated with emotionally intelligent relationships. |
| 31–40 | Generally Positive but Requires Further Growth. You display encouraging qualities, though some areas require greater intentionality and consistency. |
| 21–30 | Proceed with Caution. Certain habits may affect your ability to build healthy and emotionally secure relationships. |
| 10–20 | Significant Growth Is Needed. Deliberate effort is required to strengthen your emotional intelligence and relationship readiness. |
Part A: Understanding My Emotional Triggers
1. What situations are most likely to affect my mood, patience or emotional responses?
2. What can I learn from Joy Nyabongo's recognition that clutter affects her emotions and responses?
3. What emotional triggers have I identified in my own life?
4. How do those triggers affect the way I relate with other people?
5. What action do I normally take when I recognise that my emotions are beginning to affect my behaviour negatively?
Part B: Learning from Joy Nyabongo's Marriage Experience
6. What can I learn from Joy Nyabongo's decision to manage her irritation rather than turning her home into a 'warzone' after a tiring day?
7. How likely am I to excuse poor behaviour because I am tired, stressed or frustrated?
8. What can I learn from her husband's refusal to use his status as a prince to elevate himself above other people?
9. How effectively do I remain humble when I possess advantages, achievements or positions that could easily make me proud?
10. What can I learn from Joy Nyabongo's decision to become less blunt after realising that words can damage relationships?
11. How effectively do I balance honesty with wisdom, kindness and sensitivity?
12. What can I learn from Joy Nyabongo's response when she was advised to get a man-friend as insurance against possible marital disappointment?
13. What does my response to ungodly, unhealthy or destructive advice reveal about my emotional intelligence?
Part C: Learning from Evelyn and Julius
14. Which of Julius' weaknesses am I most likely to display when another person raises concerns that I do not fully agree with?
☐ Dismissing concerns
☐ Becoming defensive
☐ Avoiding difficult conversations
☐ Failing to provide reassurance
☐ Focusing on my own perspective
☐ Becoming impatient
☐ Other: ________________________
Explain.
15. Have I ever dismissed another person's concerns only to discover later that those concerns were important? What happened?
16. How effectively do I listen when another person is expressing insecurity, fear or uncertainty?
17. When people raise concerns about my conduct, do I seek understanding or become defensive?
18. What can I learn from the repeated cycle of concern, dismissal and reassurance-seeking that developed between Evelyn and Julius?
19. What relationship in my life would benefit most from improved listening and understanding?
Part D: Learning from Ruth and Boaz
20. What can I learn from Ruth's willingness to leave Moab and begin a new life in unfamiliar circumstances?
21. What can I learn from Ruth's willingness to work diligently rather than waiting for others to solve her problems?
22. What can I learn from Boaz's decision to gather information about Ruth before drawing conclusions about her character?
23. How often do I form opinions about people before I understand their circumstances?
24. What can I learn from Boaz's decision to protect Ruth and ensure her safety?
25. How attentive am I to the needs, concerns and wellbeing of vulnerable people?
26. What can I learn from Ruth and Boaz's conduct at the threshing floor?
27. How effectively do I exercise restraint and wisdom in emotionally significant situations?
Part E: Assessing My Marriage Readiness
28. Which emotional intelligence qualities are most evident in my life at present?
☐ Self-awareness
☐ Self-regulation
☐ Motivation
☐ Empathy
☐ Social skills
☐ Patience
☐ Humility
☐ Discernment
☐ Emotional stability
☐ Responsible communication
☐ Other: ________________________
