07.01.12 The 5th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Emotional Intelligence Is there Motivation for Personal and Relational Growth?

5. Is there Motivation for Personal and Relational Growth?

Observe whether the prospective partner demonstrates consistent internal motivation or commitment to personal development. Is the individual willing to grow at the personal or relational level; or does she or he prefer to remain stagnant? Does the person examine his or her behaviour and adjust where improvement is required? Is the individual open to correction; or does she or he resent being assessed?

Boaz must have noticed Ruth’s motivation for personal and relational growth. For instance, as already discussed, the woman’s decision to leave Moab revealed a readiness to embrace change from the Moabite culture to that of the Israelites (Ruth 1:16–17). Although the Moabite and Israelite cultures were somehow similar, there were several distinct differences that Ruth would have had to adapt to. For instance, Moabites were polytheistic given that they worshiped several deities such as Chemosh, Asthar-Chemosh, Molech and Baal. The Israelites, on the other hand, were monotheistic, worshipping only one God, Jehovah. Another difference was that Moabites were involved in diehard idolatry, including child sacrifices to seek divine favour and military victories. Yet in Deuteronomy 18:10, Jehovah had strictly prohibited such sacrifices. Therefore, Ruth’s decision required courage, adjustment and the willingness to learn, unlearn and relearn, moreover under unfamiliar circumstances.

Boaz could have observed Ruth's motivation for growth through her attendance and participation in public gatherings such as the agricultural festivals or feasts held during the harvest season. One example was the Shavout or The Feast of Weeks which marked the end of the wheat harvest. Writers emphasise how the poor, widows and foreign immigrants such as Ruth had to be included in the festivities. Ruth’s love for Naomi must have propelled her to adapt to customs of a community that was not originally her own (Ruth 2:2–3; 3:5), adjusting to new responsibilities and relationships with consistency; willing to grow rather than remain fixed in her past traditions.

Ruth would also have recognised Boaz’s motivation for growth. As already noted, he could have been a senior man who had experienced loss, yet he remained open to the possibility of building a new relationship with Ruth (Ruth 4:1–10). Rather than withdrawing or remaining defined by past losses, he was prepared to move from being a ‘widower' to ‘married man’ and the responsibilities that came from that next stage required, such as being the father of his only son, Obed that would continue the family line of Mahlon, Ruth's deceased first husband; and Elimelech.

In contrast, Julius’ conduct revealed the man's disinterest in growing their relationship into a stable one. Whenever Evelyn raised her concerns, the man was not ready to reflect, change or improve the patterns that were harming the relationship. As a result, there was no relational progress as the same ‘Rianna issue’ kept coming up since there was no correction; which eventually led to the breakdown of the relationship.

Motivation to grow is shown through consistent willingness to reflect, adjust behaviour and strengthen one’s character. A prospective partner who resists self-examination cannot grow or improve. On the other hand, a partner who values and pursues growth contributes to greater stability, maturity and progress within your relationship.