07.04.08 The 2nd Key for Evaluating Nurturing Behaviour Does the Person Acknowledge and Consider Other People's Feelings and Perspectives?

2. Does the Person Acknowledge and Consider Other People’s Feelings and Perspectives?

Observe whether the prospective partner makes an effort to understand other people’s feelings and perspective. Does the person listen attentively, recognise their experiences and respond with sensitivity; or does she or he dismiss, ignore or minimise what matters to the individuals? Is there a genuine effort to understand others; or does the person only expect to be understood?

Zechariah must have noted Elizabeth’s attentiveness and sensitivity towards the experiences of others. When Mary arrived carrying the weight of her divine calling; Elizabeth, who was five or six months pregnant at the time, did not respond with indifference and self-focus, despite the fact that she could have been feeling exhausted given that the woman was in her fifties, sixties or older, according to the writings of some bible scholars. Instead, she listened, understood and responded empathetically rather than with emotional insensitivity. Elizabeth acknowledged Mary’s situation, recognising God’s work in the pregnant virgin’s life and spoke words of affirmation and blessing (Luke 1:42–45).

Although the bible is quiet, Elizabeth must have noted the same ‘attentiveness and sensitivity’ trait in Zechariah. That can be implied from Luke 1:5–6 which describes the couple as righteous before God. The verse suggests mutual regard for each other rather than emotional neglect. We can therefore infer that the two lived in an environment where they acknowledged each other’s feelings and perspectives with care.

Michael’s experience was different, given that his feelings and perspectives were often not acknowledged by Nancy. This was evident during the zoo visit when she complained within his hearing that she had been coerced into coming to see chimpanzees and expressed irritation at being there. Despite the effort the man had put into organising the outing, as he yearned to share his passion for wild animals, the young woman continued to show her disinterest and aloofness rather than recognising how important the experience was to him.

A nurturing partner listens, acknowledges and considers your feelings, responses and perspectives which, in essence, reinforces understanding, trust, connection and closeness, making the relationship more secure. On the other hand, dismissing your feelings cultivates emotional distance.