09.04.13 The 7th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Approach to Trust Is Trust Practiced without Surveillance?

7. Is Trust Practiced without Surveillance?

Observe how the prospective partner reacts when she or he becomes uncertainty about his or he position in a relationship. Does the individual allow the relationship to proceed with respect,; or does she or he attempt to manage insecurity through monitoring, suspicion or controlling another person’s conduct in order to feel secure?

Mary must have recognised Joseph’s confidence and trust given the way he responded to the explanation surrounding her pregnancy (Matthew 1:24). Although the circumstances were unusual and could easily have created suspicion, Joseph did not attempt to monitor or control Mary’s conduct. Instead, he fulfilled his responsibilities with confidence, assured by God's Word .

Christine approached the relationship very differently. When Roland began to question the inconsistencies in her explanations about work and responsibilities, she responded with suspicion and defensiveness. Rather than addressing the concerns openly, she often treated questions as attempts to control her life. This reaction gradually created tension between them because having an honest discussions was next to impossible.

Trust cannot grow where a partner feels monitored and controlled since such a behaviour signals a lack of trust for each other. A prospective partner understands that confidence in a relationship comes from integrity and responsible conduct, not from constant supervision and surveillance. When both of you demonstrate honesty and discipline, trust becomes the natural result, rendering any kind of enforced control unnecessary.