09.04.03 How Building Trust Works in Our Marriage

How Building Trust Works in Our Marriage

My Personal Experience

Trust is an important pillar in our marriage. This is grounded in the fact that when God directed us to stop cohabiting, we never got physically intimate until our wedding day. The fact that we were able to wait for a six-month period built immeasurable trust between us.

In our relationship, trust creates an environment of emotional safety. Our trust in each other enables us to engage openly, express concerns and share honestly without fear of judgment or withdrawal. In other words, I can trust my husband with my emotions, knowing that he would never intentionally hurt me.

In the same way, trust and reliability reinforce each other in our marriage. In our experience, consistently doing what we say we will do has strengthened our confidence in each other. Over time, that trust has made us more intentional in our actions, knowing that we do not want to let each other down. A good example is how my husband would never allow our driver to take us on long journeys. “I am driving the mother of my children,” he would often say sternly, with a serious look on his face. His consistency in taking responsibility for my safety demonstrated reliability, which strengthened my trust in him. Knowing that I was trusted and cared for in that way gave me even greater confidence that I was in safe and dependable hands on those long roads.

We have also developed the assurance that we can rely on one another in all seasons. Over the years, we have seen each other’s conduct through thick and thin. There has not been a single instance when we were not there for each other, even when circumstances did not seem to add up. That consistency and dependability give us the confidence to trust each other during both ordinary and demanding seasons.

Trust also strengthens us during difficult and testing situations. There was an occasion when a client openly rubbished my work. She had joined an organisation where we had previously transformed a sizeable number of employees before her transfer to that agency. I later learnt that our participants had highly commended my work, which she did not seem to appreciate. Her comments were so unsettling that some participants called me, while others sought me out to express their dissatisfaction, not only with her remarks but also with her poor governance. Throughout that experience, my husband continued to reaffirm, as he always does, that he trusted my capability. His encouragement strengthened my resilience, even when the agency later approached me to undertake an assignment, despite the continued resistance from the officer, who appeared to resent me deeply for reasons that remain unclear to this day.

In addition, trust enables us to face situations together with clarity and responsibility. Rather than reacting independently or questioning each other’s decisions, we approach challenges with a shared sense of direction. This allows us to respond with consistency and sound judgment, even under pressure, without unnecessary confusion or emotional instability.

Finally, trust allows us to operate with confidence in our individual responsibilities, without unnecessary concern or suspicion. A good example is when my husband would allow me to go on field trips, both within and outside the country, even in situations where a supervisor had been making advances toward me. My husband’s trust in my character and judgment gave me the confidence to carry out my responsibilities, knowing that he would never suspect me of ever giving in to my supervisor’s lust.