09.04.12 The 6th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Approach to Trust Does the Person Maintain Privacy while Avoiding Secrecy?

6. Does the Person Maintain Privacy while Avoiding Secrecy?

While privacy refers to the healthy tendency of managing personal boundaries, space and thoughts; and controlling the information that a person shares; secrecy is the hiding of information with the intention of deceiving and misleading people. Whereas privacy generates trust, privacy breeds mistrust in relationships.

Observe how the prospective partner handles personal information that affects the relationship. Does the person respect appropriate privacy while remaining open about matters that influence shared decisions,; or does she or he hide important details?

Joseph demonstrated this balance in the way he handled the situation surrounding Mary’s pregnancy. Although the bible is silent about the details, I would want to imagine that after finding out about the pregnancy, he did not disclose the matter to his close relatives. However, he could have empathetically shared his strategy with Mary with assurance that it was for her own good (Matthew 1:19). The information may have been released later, after receiving the angel’s instruction to proceed with their marriage arrangements (Matthew 1:24). His approach would have assured Mary that there would never be any secrets between them, which would have fostered trust. Likewise Mary did not reveal every single piece of information that the Angel gave her. The bible reports that he kept some of that private (Luke 2:19).

As already discussed, it was the order of the day for Christine to keep a significant part of her life secret, evading Roland’s questions about her work or the responsibilities she claimed to hold. The woman treated his questions as an intrusion into her personal affairs. That guarded perception prevented honest discussions, concealing important facts that made it difficult for Roland to ever trust the woman again, once he found her out.

Privacy protects dignity, but secrecy hides information that others need in order to make responsible decisions. A prospective partner understands this difference and communicates openly about matters that influence your relationship. With honesty and discretion, both of you can maintain personal privacy while building trust through transparency.