09.01.09 The 3rd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Respect for Individuality

3. Does the Person Respect Differences Without Demanding Change?

Observe how the prospective partner responds to your distinct personality, strengths and priorities. Does the person seek to understand and appreciate those differences; or does she or he subtly pressure you to adjust in order to fit their preferences? Do they attempt to reshape you to so as to preserve their comfort?

Aquila must have noticed Priscilla’s respect for differences without demanding that people fit into her mould. In her engagement with Apollos, we do not see ridiculing, pressurising or coercing the man to be like her. ‘Explaining the way of God more accurately’ suggests that the man just needed to straighten out a few things here and there, then proceed to minister while staying ‘in his lane’ rather than becoming Priscilla incarnate. (Acts 18:26). Her approach addressed the deviation in his preaching while allowing the budding preacher's identity to remain intact.

Priscilla must have recognised Aquila’s acceptance of her distinct contribution to Apollos’ ministry. We do not see Aquila restraining, silencing, redirecting or overshadowing her participation during the explanation to Apollos. Aquila seems to have been happy functioning alongside his wife during that interaction (Acts 18:26). He seemed comfortable with the differences between them rather enforcing ‘sameness’.

Judith’s story illustrates the opposite since it was Benjamin ‘calling the shots’ almost alone. The way things looked, it was “his way or no way’. The man had dismissed her desire to remain engaged in the bakery, despite being gifted in that field, simply because ‘baking’ did not align with the direction of his construction company. He repeatedly interpreted her structured, thoughtful and detail-oriented nature as ‘being rigid’ or ‘overthinking’, subtly pressuring the woman to adjust her personality and priorities to fit into his.

A prospective partner who respects individuality does not demand ‘sameness’ for the sake of his or her comfort. The person seeks to comprehend the reasons behind your preferences and concerns. This fosters a relationship celebrating each person uniqueness and where individuality and unity can coexist without any strain.