09.01.10 The 4th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Respect for Individuality

4. Does the Person Respect Autonomy Without Subtle Control?

Observe how the prospective partner handles shared decisions, responsibilities and external engagements. Does the person allow you to engage your initiative and independent judgement; or does she or he subtly direct, dictate, limit or control your participation and decisions?

Priscilla must have noticed Aquila’s tendency to ‘allow her ‘to be’. Rather than being restricted or confined to a passive role, she had the freedom to participate alongside her husband, bringing a unique woman's touch as they relocated, travelled, worked and did ministry across regions. (Acts 18:18–19).

Likewise, Aquila must have experienced Priscilla’s openness to bringing his unique expertise to their tent-making business. Writers report how tent making required personal endowments such as passion, stamina, technical skills for cutting, sewing and handling hard animal leather. As the couple worked alongside each other, Priscilla would have cooperated with Aquila as partners, respecting his contribution rather than seeking for dominance and control.

Judith’s experience left a lot to be desired. The woman went as far as cutting back on friendships, limiting personal engagements and adjusting her schedule around the demands of Benjamin’s construction business, all because her independence was interpreted as a lack of commitment, signaling the man's subtle control.

A vibrant partnership allows both individuals to maintain their autonomy. A relationship that requires one person to shrink in order to maintain tranquility undermines individual freedom and is an ingredient for marriage failure, if not addressed.