09.01.07 The 1st Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Respect for Individuality

1. Can Views Be Expressed Without Punishment, Mockery or Withdrawal?

When evaluating a prospective partner’s respect for individuality, observe how the person handles differences of opinion. Does the individual allow other people to express their thoughts, concerns or correction without fear of ridicule, dismissal or emotional withdrawal does she or he resent being disagreed with? Are differences of opinion met with subtle punishment, mockery or defensive retaliation? The way a person responds to differing views reveals whether your ‘individuality’ will be protected or suppressed to preserve tranquility.

Aquila must have noticed Priscilla’s openness to receiving different views without ridiculing, shaming or silencing the other person she would be listening to or interacting with. We see how she listened to Apollos’ preaching first, without challenging him publicly or exposing him to embarrassment in the synagogue. When he was done, she took him aside and relayed more accurate information about the God he had been preaching about (Acts 18:26). Although the bible is silent about the method she used, I imagine that her correction must have been firm and direct, yet compassionate; without mockery or humiliation given that Apollos continued in ministry (Acts 18:27). Priscilla must have addressed the matter constructively while preserving the man’s dignity.

Judith’s experience with Benjamin was the exact opposite. As she raised concerns about the declining state of the bakery and her discomfort with how the manager was running the enterprise, Benjamin would ignore or downplay the issue given that her problems were uniquely different from those that the engineer would encounter in construction. Eventually, she had no option but to keep her concerns to herself, which left her emotionally drained.

A mature partner creates an environment where you feel free to share your thoughts, feelings and opinions without being punished, mocked or shut-down. That kind of safe and supportive environment is essential for building trust, intimacy and a strong foundation for a healthy relationship. The person listens attentively, responds with empathy and works to find common ground, valuing your unique perspective.