09.02.09 The 3rd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Conflict Management Skills

3. Does the Person Emphasise Resolution and Mutual Agreement?

Observe the prospective partner’s goal when she or he encounters conflict. Does the person seek settlement, mutual understanding and resolution or does the individual push for avoidance, ‘earning a score’, defeating the opponent or usurping control? Is the individual’s focus directed towards resolution rather than escalation or neglect?

Sarah must have recognised Abraham’s consistent emphasis on resolution and mutual agreement. When tension arose between him and Abimelech over the wells, Abraham did not respond with aggression or defensiveness. Instead, he approached the matter calmly, clarified the issue and established a covenant that confirmed mutual understanding and peaceful coexistence (Genesis 21:25–31). His pattern revealed a commitment to settling conflict through agreement rather than prolonging disputes.

In the case of Elaine, the woman consistently avoided resolution. After the laptop theft, she refused to give Ivan updates, despite knowing that he needed to replace the device before facing the disciplinary committee. Her response of "Hope it went well. Busy" after the hearing, without remorse or accountability, showed a complete lack of interest in resolving the issue or its negative impact on Ivan.

An emphasis on resolution and mutual agreement is a critical component in the effective management of conflict. A partner who endeavours to understand and find common ground, rather than seeking personal victory or withdrawal strengthens the relationship. Such commitment ensures that disagreements become opportunities for growth and deeper connection, thereby enhancing peace and harmony in the relationship.