09.02.07 The 1st Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Conflict Management Skills

1. Is the Person Willing to Engage Calmly and With Respect?

Consider how the prospective partner engages in times of tension. Does the person approach conflict calmly with respect, seeking to understand and resolve; or does she or he become defensive, accusatory or aggressive, attempting to win rather than resolve the disagreement? How a person approaches a conflict reveals whether it will be constructively contained or allowed to escalate.

Sarah must have recognised Abraham’s ability to manage conflict. For instance, when disagreements arose between his herdsmen and Lot’s, Abraham opted for a calm and respectful engagement rather than allowing quarrelling to intensify or reacting with aggression. The man went ahead to initiate dialogue. He proposed a peaceful separation, even offering Lot the first opportunity to choose the best piece of land (Genesis 13:8–9). Abraham’s response prioritised peace over personal advantage. He addressed conflict with composure and respect rather than escalation.

Elaine, in contrast, struggled to engage calmly, when confronted with a disagreement or differences of opinion. When Ivan expressed reservations about their mutual friend Thadeo’s political ambitions, the woman immediately accused him of tribal bias, alleging that Ivan did not want the politician to win because he was from her tribe. As if that was not enough, she refused to let Ivan explain, raising her voice and cutting him off. She escalated the conflict rather than pressing for mutual understanding.

A prospective partner’s willingness to engage calmly and respectfully during conflict is critical for a healthy relationship. Such an approach prevents minor disagreements from escalating into destructive battles, fostering an environment where both individuals feel safe to express their concerns. A partner who prioritises respectful dialogue perceives conflicts as opportunities for growth, not sources of lasting damage or destroyers of relationships.