09.03.09 The 3rd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Ability to Manage Expectations

3. Is the Person Willing to Understand and Validate Your Expectations?

Observe how the prospective partner responds when you express your expectations. Does the person make a sincere effort to understand the depth of your needs and wants; or does she or he remain puzzled, dismissive or detached from what you are experiencing?

Hannah must have recognised Elkanah’s readiness to comprehend and validate her expectations. The man made a concerted effort to understand and comfort her distress, even when he did not fully grasp its depth. Rather than ignoring her sorrow or dismissing her pain, Elkanah responded with care, provision and words of reassurance, going as far as asking why her heart was grieved and attempting to console her (1 Samuel 1:5, 8).

Pius struggled significantly with this. When Melody’s expectations about his social etiquette were shattered at the high-profile dinner, he remained oblivious to her embarrassment. His actions at the dinner, from piling his plate to his impromptu speech, showed a complete lack of awareness or validation of the kind of partner Melody expected him to be.

Expectations become painful when they are misunderstood or minimised. A prospective partner who is willing to comprehend and validate your expectations, even if they differ from his or her own, demonstrates empathy and respect. This creates a safe space where both of you feel heard and valued thereby preventing feelings of neglect or dismissal. This mutual validation is crucial for aligning your expectations and fostering a relationship built on genuine understanding and compassion.