10.05.08 The 1st Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Character

1. Does the Person Prioritise Private Integrity Over Public Image?

Assess how the prospective partner behaves when she or he is not being observed. Does the person remain responsible and consistent in ordinary duties or does behaviour change when there is no audience? When they have responsibilities, does the person meet their obligations or ignore them if no one is watching?

Boaz must have noticed Ruth’s private integrity. Her devotion to Naomi and her diligence in the fields revealed a character that remained responsible even in ordinary and unnoticed responsibilities (Ruth 1:16–17; 2:3). Ruth, in turn, must have observed Boaz’s integrity in the way he protected her safety and dignity. He ensured that she was treated respect while gleaning in the fields and later arranged for her departure before daylight so that her reputation would not be compromised (Ruth 2:8–9; 3:14).

Miriam consistently demonstrated private integrity. While others, like Gloria, left early or protected their image, Miriam would remain behind to ensure work was completed. She did not seek attention or affirmation but simply did what needed to be done, whether acknowledged or not. Martin was impressed not by Gloria’s ‘shows’ but by Miriam’s quiet commitment.

Gloria, in contrast, consistently prioritised public image. On the surface, she appeared confident, capable and spiritually expressive but when meetings ended and assistance was required, her behavior shifted. She would excuse herself from responsibilities, avoid tasks such as clearing the hall and use her status as a frequent flyer to escape accountability; highly esteeming public perception over serving others.

Authentic character is revealed not in public moments of applause but in unseen ‘back-stage' decisions, responsibilities that are out of the limelight and ordinary conduct when no one is watching. Since the bulk of married life is lived away from public view, the prospective partner’s private integrity is essential. A partner whose values hold when no one is watching builds a foundation of trust and consistency crucial for marriage success.