10.01.10 The 3rd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Ability to Communicate Effectively

3. Does the Person’s Tone and Presence Create Safety or Tension?

Observe how the prospective partner communicates beyond words. Does the person use tone, timing and presence to create emotional safety; or does she or he communicate in ways that introduce or hike tension, distance or discomfort?

After listening to Solomon communicating his love to the Shulamite, the woman would have noticed how he was ready to protect her. This comes through clearly in the Song of Solomon 4:9-10 where he referred to her as his sister as well as his spouse. Those endearments must have convinced the Shulamite of the King’s intentions to make sure she was safe with him. Solomon would also have spotted how the Shulamite was ready to create emotional safety for her beloved, when she said that her maturity would bring peace. We read that in Song of Solomon 8:10 which says (CJB): I am a wall and my breasts are like towers; so in his view I am like one who brings peace.

In contrast, Edwin's tone and body language often made Patricia feel belittled and unheard. When the man grew frustrated with her questions about Connie or confronted her about her prolonged stay, his tense facial expressions and sharp responses must have signaled irritation rather than care. This created a toxic and unsafe environment for Patricia, making it challenging for her to feel comfortable opening up to him.

A communication-ready partner is mindful of his or her tone, timing and body language, creating an emotionally safe environment. The person chooses the right time and tone for discussing sensitive topics, ensuring that their body language conveys openness and respect, not intimidation. That kind of communication builds trust, rather than creating barriers and enables both partners to navigate sensitive discussions with love and dignity.