10.01.08 The 1st Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Ability to Communicate Effectively

1. How Clearly Does the Person Communicate Thoughts and Boundaries?

Consider how the prospective partner expresses thoughts, expectations and boundaries. Does the person articulate his or her concerns, issues, opinions or responses directly or rely on hints, silence or indirect speech, expecting receivers to interpret the message the person is trying to convey?

Solomon must have been struck by the way the Shulamite communicated her thoughts and boundaries with unmistakable and profound clarity. In …, the woman insisted on a time boundary by repeatedly refusing to be pressured, forced or rushed into physical intimacy by the "daughters of Jerusalem," until she was ready (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). "I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases”. Her declaration sent a clear and firm message to listeners that her partnership with Solomon was to move on her pace and not on other people’s timelines. Her stand must have amazed King Solomon. Given the number of wives he had, I suspect that making him wait was ‘unusual’. But he acknowledged her boundary by referring to her as a "garden locked, a spring sealed up" (Song 4:12)

Patricia and Edwin’s experience was different, given that they both struggled with communicating clearly. You may recall how Patricia relied on hints, indirect questions and silence rather than confronting Edwin directly about her fears concerning Connie. To make matters worse, Edwin failed to read between the lines and did not recognise that Patricia’s questions were fueled by deep insecurity. That poor communication resulted in misunderstanding and frustration because both relied on assumptions rather than effective dialogue.

A prospective partner who communicates effectively expresses his or her thoughts, boundaries and expectations clearly rather than relying on hints or silent assumptions. That kind of a partner engages openly with you, creating a secure environment in which mutual needs are acknowledged, understood and addressed with clarity. Such clear and direct interaction strengthens mutual respect and trust, thereby establishing a stable foundation for your relationship.