10.01.13 The 6th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Ability to Communicate Effectively

6. Is the Person Open to Feedback and Difficult Conversations?

Observe how the prospective partner responds when difficult and emotionally demanding matters are being discussed. Is the person ready to receive expressions of concern without defensiveness or withdrawal? Is the individual ready to engage the issue directly; or does she or he react with irritation, avoidance or counter-attack?

The Shulamite must have discovered Solomon’s openness to feedback and difficult conversations. One such incident is where she initiated a difficult conversation about her dark colour so early in their relationship (Song 1:5-6). Solomon accepted that feedback and immediately responded with affirmation by asserting the he liked what he saw (Song of Solomon 1:9-10).

In Patricia and Edwin’s story, both of them resisted negative feedback and difficult conversations at a certain point. As already discussed, you may recall how Patricia used silence, indirect speech and unspoken expectations as a means of sending a message to Edwin, when she feared raising the gossip she had heard about Connie. Edwin, in turn, slipped into defensiveness, sharp comments and emotional withdrawal when conflicts became intense, hoping to communicate his dissatisfaction to Patricia. None of that worked.

Edwin struggled with this, often becoming defensive when Patricia tried to raise concerns—whether about how much time he seemed to give to Connie or how she felt about his comments regarding her stay in his apartment. He would justify his actions, shift the blame or withdraw, making Patricia feel unheard and unvalued. This created a toxic environment where feedback was seen as an attack.

A mature partner receives correction without emotional shutdown, acknowledging that feedback is part of development and constructive growth. They view feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than a personal attack. This openness creates a safe space for open and honest communication, where both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings, fostering mutual growth.