10.01.14 The 7th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Ability to Communicate Effectively

7. Are Emotional Needs Expressed and Properly Understood?

Observe whether the prospective partner expresses emotional needs clearly and shows capacity to understand yours beyond ‘surface words’. Does the person create space for feelings to be communicated and received or are emotional needs left unspoken or misunderstood?

The Shulamite and her beloved must have both noticed how each of them was capable of expressing, understanding and nurturing the other’s emotional needs through open communication. For instance and as already mentioned, the Shulamite’s emotional need for reassurance became evident when she declared that she was “dark but lovely” (Song of Solomon 1:5–6). That statement could have signalled a measure of vulnerability and a desire for validation. Her beloved responded with affirmation, commending her beauty and worth (Song of Solomon 1:15). In doing so, he showed that he had understood her emotional needs.

Edwin often failed to understand Patricia’s deeper emotional needs. Her questions about Connie and his mentees were driven by profound insecurity and jealousy but Edwin never got to the root of the matter. He reacted to the literal questions without discerning Patricia's underlying emotional cry, leaving her feeling misunderstood.

The effective expression and understanding of emotional needs is vital for intimacy. A partner who can articulate his or her feelings and is ready and willing to comprehending yours fosters a profound sense of connection and validation. This ensures that both of you feel seen, heard and supported and understood, building a relationship which is rich in empathy.