10.02.10 The 3rd Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Sense of Responsibility and Accountability

3. Is Responsibility Driven by Self-Motivation Rather Than Reminders?

Consider what drives the prospective partner’s actions. Does the person act from internal conviction and initiative; or does she or he require repeated reminders, pressure, threats, extrinsic motivators or supervision before fulfilling obligations?

Boaz must have recognised Ruth’s self-motivation given how she would rise early to glean, without being instructed or supervised. In addition, the woman had taken the initiative to provide for Naomi, not because she was being monitored but because she had chosen Naomi’s wellness as her personal responsibility (Ruth 2:3). On the same vein Ruth must have noticed Boaz’s internal drive when he initiated the redemption process without being chased or coerced. As already explained, it was his personal initiative that had driven him to gather the elders and table Ruth's redemption publicly without being pushed by anyone let alone Ruth or her mother-in-law, Naomi (Ruth 4:1–12).

For Dorothy and William, the situation was different considering that he required frequent reminders yet still failed to perform or deliver. You may recall how HR had reminded the man multiple times to check his passport but he ignored every prompt. Church leaders and colleagues repeatedly relied on him, only for him to disappoint them at the last minute.

A person whose responsibility is driven by self-motivation demonstrates the maturity needed in a prospective spouse. When commitment depends on supervision or pressure, it signals a lack of internal drive which can be very frustrating, to say the least. A self-motivated and responsible partner encourages both of you to support each other as adults, rather than one playing a parental or managerial role.