10.02.04 How Responsibility and Accountability Work in Our Marriage

How Responsibility and Accountability Work in Our Marriage

A Personal Experience

In our African setting and aligned with biblical teaching (Ephesians 5:23), my husband has embraced the responsibility of leadership in our home, and he fulfils that role with diligence and consistency. In addition, we have cultivated a relationship marked by mutual accountability. We remain accountable to one another spiritually and across other important areas of life, which strengthens our unity, protects our values and supports responsible growth within our marriage.

In our relationship, responsibility strengthens our reliability. We can depend on each other. My husband, for instance, took on the responsibility of preparing my supplements every single day without fail. I can therefore comfortably rely on that, whether I am asleep or awake, those supplements will be delivered on my bedside each night. This is in addition to the oils and lotions that I use on my skin, amongst other things. Through consistent follow-through and diligence, he continues to be dependable in so many different ways. I also do my part, though I will not mention it here, to avoid blowing my own trumpet.

In the same way, responsibility reinforces our partnership. By contributing fairly to emotional, practical and financial responsibilities, we avoid imbalance and reduce the likelihood of one person carrying a disproportionate burden. This ensures that our relationship functions as a shared effort. A good example is when we do not have a house help. My husband does one chore as I do the other, with no hesitation at all. We just swing into action.

Personal responsibility also shapes how we manage our roles. Over time, each of us clearly knows and manages his or her obligations within the relationship. Generally, in our culture, there are specific roles or responsibilities for women as well as for men. However, for us and behind closed doors, we help each other out irrespective of generic gender roles. For instance, it is common for my husband to help out in the kitchen. But that does not mean that I will take him for granted. I must appreciate him and take over the duty in case I am not occupied by another responsibility.

Responsibility also creates a sense of security in our home. We take our commitments seriously and endeavour to be consistent in our actions, which builds the confidence that we have in one another. We are certain that each one of us will do his or her level best to execute a responsibility. One classic example is the secure environment that my husband creates for me and our children, a commitment that he takes very seriously. He can never sleep before making sure that all windows and doors are securely locked and curtains drawn in such a way that an external intruder cannot peep through. He is the last one to go to bed after praying for our security. I recall a phase where we spent a period after dropping the security company we were using as they had become grossly inefficient. My husband would move around our premises each night, praying while making sure that everything was in place, safe and secure.

Accountability has also played a critical role in strengthening our trust for each other. When we make mistakes, each of us takes ownership of his or her actions. We acknowledge our flaws and make adjustments where necessary. Actually, it is common for us to say, “This is my mistake… I should have done that rather than this.” Not only does that prevent avoidance, blaming or excuses, it ensures that issues are addressed responsibly and with honesty.

In the same way, accountability shapes how we handle conflict. When faced with a disagreement or problem, we focus on understanding each other, taking responsibility and finding a resolution, rather than becoming defensive.

Accountability also supports our continuous growth. By recognising the impact of our actions and displaying readiness and willingness to improve, our relationship continues to grow rather than remain stagnant.

Finally, accountability ensures that we remain open and transparent with each other. We keep each other informed of where we are at all times rather than disappearing off each other’s radar. We also give updates on who we meet and the conversations we have. We have complete access to each other’s phones, emails and operate joint bank accounts.

Last but not least, endeavoring to be accountable enables us to keep each other informed of where we are at all times rather than disappearing of each other's radar. We also give updates of who we met and the conversations we had. We have complete access to each other's phones, emails and operate joint bank accounts.