10.05.04 How Personal Character Works in Our Marriage

How Personal Character Works in Our Marriage

A Personal Experience

One of the things that I admire in my husband is his personal character. He consistently aspires to live according to Galatians 5:22–23, which says (NKJV), 22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Another of his favourite scriptures is Ephesians 4:29. He often asks whether what he is saying ministers grace to the hearer and what Christ would do if He were in his place. These considerations have contributed to refining his character for God’s glory.

At the risk of blowing my own trumpet, I can safely say that my husband and I have a sound personal character, given that our moral and ethical stand remains unshakable, even during challenging, stressful or tempting situations. My mind goes back to the time when we were invited to present our model to some top dignitaries. That invitation came with a sizeable amount of money as imprest. By the time the event was over, we had some money left. However, the accountants of that agency were very shocked when we returned that money. Did we have needs? Yes. But it was not our money. Such conduct has strengthened our trust and respect for each other. Through honesty, integrity and reliability, our confidence in each other’s character has grown over the years.

Our personal character is also reflected in the way we relate to each other, whether in private or in public. In other words, we do not put on a show just to impress people. There are no double standards.

We are also highly disciplined. Each of us demonstrates inner strength, self-control and consistent habits that allow us to align our actions with our long-term goals and values, even in the face of temptation, boredom or adversity. We are able to manage our emotions, impulses and behaviour without needing external regulation, coercion or motivation. This has shaped how we handle disagreements. By responding with patience, restraint and a willingness to seek understanding, we address challenges without allowing conflict to damage the relationship. This has preserved respect and ensured that differences are handled responsibly.

In the same way, our character is marked by consistency. We both unwaveringly and unapologetically subscribe to a set of core principles, values and behaviours, irrespective of prevailing circumstances. There is a clear alignment between what each of us believes and how we act, which strengthens reliability and trust. We are confident in one another, knowing that we can depend on each other season in and season out.

Both of us are principled people. We maintain deep-seated, internalised beliefs and moral standards that guide our thoughts, decisions and actions, regardless of whether circumstances are favourable or unfavourable. As born-again Christians, we are guided by a strong moral compass, the Holy Spirit determining what is right and wrong rather than acting out of convenience or selfish interest. This keeps us aligned. As our values, priorities and principles are expressed through consistent behaviour, we move in the same direction.

Finally, both of us demonstrate an accountable personal character. We have a proactive, internalised commitment to owning our actions, decisions and behaviours, together with their outcomes, whether positive or negative. Rather than blaming others, making excuses or acting as victims of circumstances, each one takes responsibility for his or her role in any given situation. Through accountability, self-awareness and a willingness to improve, we are able to address weaknesses and strengthen our conduct.