10.01.11 The 4th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner’s Ability to Communicate Effectively

4. Is Communication Timely and Proactive?

Observe whether the prospective partner shares matters expresses his or her thoughts proactively, without unnecessary delay. Does the person communicate in good time to guide understanding and prevent confusion or do issues accumulate and remain addressed until tension escalates?

Solomon must have discovered the Shulamite’s ability to communicate proactively and in a timely manner. We see that right from the beginning she spoke openly about her condition, desires and expectations (Song of Solomon 1:5–7; 2:7). The bible records how she awakened her partner in Song of Solomon 8:5 and vocalised her desires (4:16; 7:11–13). Likewise, the Shulamite must have recognised Solomon’s readiness to respond. The Song is full of a dialogue that shows that each seems to have known what to say to the other at the right time and place in order to express admiration, adoration and other forms of love and affection.

Patricia struggled with timely and proactive communication. After overhearing the gossip about Connie, Patricia felt unspeakable jealousy yet she could not bring herself to confront Edwin, fearing to sound insecure. Instead of a calm and proactive dialogue, that delay allowed her insecurities to brew, leading to subtle and sarcastic behaviors that culminated into an explosive confrontation that could otherwise have been avoided.

The readiness of the prospective partner can be gauged by how they communicate when disappointed, offended or under pressure. During difficult conversations, the person does not press, interrogate or intrude in moments of vulnerability. Instead, they exercise restraint, choosing dignity and respect over dominance and coercion.