04.05.10 The 6th Key for Adding Value to Your Child's Life
6. Use an Appropriate Disciplining Strategy
Discipline is very important for adding value to a child’s life. In fact, the overarching goal of parenting is to raise children who can use Godly wisdom to make high quality decisions.
Disciplining a child involves teaching him or her how to behave; and truth be told, such an endeavour requires time and patience.For starters, and as already discussed, you should ‘be’ what you want your child to be; since ‘discipline’ begins with you. Take time to calmly teach them to differentiate ‘right’ from ‘wrong’ and, wherever possible, use actions to send the message.
Managing a child's misbehavior is part of his or her disciplinary process. Therefore, have rules in place as well as the consequences for breaking them. Should a child misbehave, implement those consequences right away. However, they should never affect a child’s quality of life such as missing a meal.
Disciplining a child will require you to always be alert so that you are well-informed about where they are and what they are doing with whom. Observation is important and you must create time for it since you cannot discipline a child by remote control. Therefore, keep an eye on your child so that you are able to reinforce good behaviour while discouraging what is unacceptable. In other words, ‘be there’.
Be ready to listen to the child before issuing punishments. Why is she or he behaving that way? Is the behaviour repetitive or a one-time occurrence? What triggers that demeanour? Can you have a conversation about the issue? Remember that a child’s misconduct could easily be caused by something you either did or did not do. Probably, that could explain why Proverbs 29:15 tags a child’s indiscipline on the mother. The EASY version of that verse reads (EASY): If you want your children to be wise, warn them and punish them when they do wrong things. If you let them do anything that they want to do, they will make their mother ashamed. Boredom could also cause a child to misbehave, in which case you should redirect his or energy into an activity that can keep him or her busy.
In other words, teach children to take accountability and responsibility for their actions by allowing them to experience the consequences of their misbehaviour, especially if it does not put their lives at risk.
My sister, a child's indiscipline could have permanent consequences; therefore, prevention is better than cure. For that matter, be proactive by foreseeing any loopholes that could drive your child to behave inappropriately; then prepare for such occurrences by providing timely and Godly advice as well as planning wisely, so that they do not fall into temptations that you could have otherwise avoided.
Last but not least, you should note that God does not encourage spanking children, despite a number of verses in the bible that seem to support that kind of disciplinary action. One such scripture is from Proverbs 13:24 which reads (NKJV): 24He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Bible scholars assert that in ancient days, rods would be used by shepherds to push and guide the sheep back onto the right course. In fact, they say that striking a sheep with a rod used to be counterproductive as it would slow down the animal or make it detest the shepherd instead. Therefore, my sister, rather than ‘caning’ a child day-in day-out, be ready to guide, teach and correct him or her, in love.
That said, spanking has its place, for example, if a child is extremely disrespectful, adamant or does something that exposes him or her to great danger. Even then, it should be done in private. Never spank a child if she or he was just being childish or has had an accident. All in all, spanking should not be used on a child who is beyond five or six years of age as it could lead to disconnection and bitterness. Beyond that age, you are advised to consider other forms of disciplinary action.