04.05.07 The 3rd Key for Adding Value to Your Child's Life

3. Identify the Personal Standards to Focus On

One of the standards that I endeavored to instill in our children was ‘self-reliance’ particularly in their studies. From a very young age, I taught them to read their textbooks ahead of the teacher then set their own test questions; and, answer and mark their responses. I mentored them to ‘study to teach’; and that they were not ready to sit for an examination until they could teach the subject without referring to their textbooks. This standard came in handy the day we were unable to return them to school due to lack of fees. Here is what happened.

It all started when someone backstabbed me while working in Tanzania, leading to immediate termination of my employment. And having been on contract, there were no benefits. So, we found ourselves with hardly any finances and had to request my children’s school to bear with us until I got another job. Then came the golden opportunity, at least so we thought, when I was offered a job in Uganda and asked to report next to immediately. The week before our departure from Tanzania, we withdrew the children from their school requesting to send the outstanding fees after getting my first salary. The head teacher was happy that I had eventually got a job after several months of searching and waiting. However, three days before our departure for Uganda, things took a sharp and shocking turn when the company-cum-new employer called to inform me that the position was no longer available. Since we had already said ‘bye’ to the school, we were not able to return the children with no fees in hand. It was in the middle of all that maze that our children decided to wake up each weekday and sit at the dining table to teach themselves during the school hours, a thing which demonstrated just how self-reliant they truly were. It also sent a message that they knew God would answer their prayers somehow by faith and that they will go back to school in the process of time. This continued for months until we started our consultancy firm and got money for them to resume their studies; and they were the best in their classes as had been the case before. That was how focusing on ‘self-reliance’ as a personal standard made our children shine through hard times.

A value-adding mother identifies the personal standards that she is going to focus on when parenting her children.

The fear of God must be on top of the list. It is advisable to involve your child in identifying and agreeing on the list of standards that she or he is going to work on. The Bible is a good reference point as there are several lists of the standards that God desires us to portray, which have stood the test of time.

Focus on a few standards that are a priority at home, school or any other relevant environment rather than overloading the child with too many standards at a time. You can increase the list later. If practically feasible, consider working on the same values as a family, for seamless and mutual support, continuity and accountability rather than each child having a separate list.

Consider using songs that can help children to memorise lists of God’s standards. One example has the following lyrics: For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace; … patience; kindness; goodness; … faithfulness, gentleness, self-control….; for such there is no law. Should you choose to use that option, make sure to explain the meaning of the lyrics to your child.