04.05.09 The 5th Key for Adding Value to Your Child's Life

5. Monitor the Progress of the Standards you are Instilling in your Child

Let me share one example of how I monitored my child’s progress regarding managing her time as a personal standard. It was during one of the cold seasons in Arusha, when I noticed that she was repeatedly switching off her alarm clock and going back to sleep instead of doing her homework. And so, when her end-of-term report came, she had slid to third place rather than the first position which she had consistently maintained prior. That was when I very calmly proposed taking her to a vocational training institute nearby where she could learn cookery; saying that after her graduation, I would find a job for her as a maid at a friend’s house. I mentioned that since my friend was working at the International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda, she would be able to pay her well; and that the option would allow my daughter all the sleep she ‘fancied’; and save her the bother of doing homework. Although I was joking, the sweet baby thought that mummy was serious; and tearfully refused to consider the option of attending the cookery school, insisting that she would rather stick with primary school and do her homework and personal study on time. From then, she never played around with her schedule ever again; and was able to slide back to first place the following term and those that followed. I am glad to report that she has been one of the best performers both at senior secondary school and university level.

When we look at Salome, had she monitored her sons’ personal standards in comparison to what Jesus wanted his disciples to portray, she would have realised that it was not about honour and power but ‘service’ as in Mark 10:45 which says (NKJV): ⁴⁵For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Salome would then have emphasised ‘readiness to serve’ as a personal standard in her sons, rather than sitting in ‘high positions’.

A value-adding mother monitors the progress of the standards that she is instilling in her children.

Program time to check progress in comparison with a feedback mechanism such as school reports and so on.

Consider reinforcing the standards during the family altar if you have one. And if you don’t, it is so important to start one, where you pray together as a family, daily. The checks should be consistent to ensure that the children still remember them. You will realise that although the standard remains the same, the way it is portrayed by the child may change with age and other variables in the child’s environment. Are they having any difficulties in implementing the standards? Could they have made friends or acquaintances that are exerting some form of peer pressure?

The list that you have agreed upon is like a contract between you and the child; with rules that must be observed. It involves teaching children to take ownership of their actions from a tender age such that they can do the same when you are not within earshot. Accountability goes hand-in-hand with problem solving skills. It is important to explain why some decisions are wrong so that they comprehend the reasons behind the standards that you have taught them.

Reward good behaviour with recognition and verbal appreciation rather than monetary incentives as those may not be sustainable and could appear like you are bribing the child. When a child makes a mistake, approach the issue calmly and firmly rather than when you are annoyed. Allow a window or guide them to own up to having made that mistake rather than creating fear. Encourage them to be honest about it.