04.04.06 The 2nd Key for Adding Value to Your Husband's Life

2. Create a Safe Space

People protect the people (and the things) they value. Therefore, creating a safe space for your husband sends a message that you value his life and are therefore prepared to shield him from any danger or risks.

We saw how Michal provided a protective shield for David during the first phase of their marriage, thereby adding value to his life by saving him from Saul’s assassins.

I also recall a time when we were trying to sell one of our properties then discovered that some real agents were either unserious or fraudulent. My husband, being a man of few words, was finding it extremely bothersome to interact with those intermediaries. We agreed that it was me that they should contact as the first point of call; and that he would only come in if an agent was serious and legit. That was how I succeeded in shielding him from such people.

A value-adding wife should create an environment where her husband feels safe to express his thoughts, dreams, feelings and hopes, without fear of harsh words, judgement or criticism.

Researchers have found that while you as a woman could find it easy to disclose your emotional concerns to a spouse, a man may hesitate, due to the so-called ‘masculinity’ concept, a term which refers to the roles, attributes and behaviours that society expects from men. A man’s emotional disclosure is also highly dependent on the personal characteristics of the hearer or listener, or wife in this case. It is also determined by the closeness of their relationship.

Last but not least, if you have concerns that you need to share with your husband, find time and a calm environment to express yourself honestly. Be solution-oriented rather than dwelling on negativities and pointing fingers as that could drive you to a stalemate which will make matters worse, as was the case for Michal and David. In case of any conflict, display a problem-solving mindset rather than being confrontational. The bottom line is, pursue love, peace and harmony as that is so critical for a successful and value-adding marriage.