04.02.11 The 7th Key for Adding Value to Your Parents' Lives

7. Understand and Addressing your Parent’s Needs

Ruth knew that Naomi needed ‘looking after’. Not only was her mother-in-law aging but she had been through the traumatic experience of losing her husband and two sons moreover in a foreign country, and of all places, Moab. Further, although the bible is silent about where Elimelech, Mahlon and Chilion were buried, we do not see Naomi returning to Bethlehem with their remains, a thing which must have been very painful to say the least. Ruth must have had a list of Naomi’s pressing needs on her (Ruth’s) mind. For starters, who would look after Naomi on returning to Bethlehem where she had not lived for such a long time? How was her mother-in-law going to make ends meet? As far as Ruth was concerned, being there to support Naomi for the rest of her (Naomi’s) life was ‘top-priority’. On arriving in Bethlehem, we see Ruth going to work in the fields so as to put food on the table (Ruth 2:2). We even see her saving some of her lunch for Naomi (Ruth 2:18).

In my case, as you may have noticed, I made every effort to understand my dad’s needs the entire period we stayed with him in Dar es Salaam and after returning to look after him in Kampala for the whole two years before he left. Towards the end, I understood that he felt so sore that he could no longer eat the meals prepared by his houseboy; and that I had to cook his meals myself. I did that so joyfully and will all my heart. His wellness was top-priority.

A value-adding daughter must have her parents’ needs and desires on her fingertips. Being sensitive and aware of a parent’s needs makes him or her feel valued since it gives that parent the confidence that she or he will be taken care of and is therefore in safe and loving hands.

A time could come when your parents are old and probably not as agile as they used to be. For some people, old age may present several challenges and changes in behaviour. However, that does not mean that you should despise a parent (Proverbs 23:22). On the contrary, you must be there for him or her.

Sadly, social media narrates how a daughter chased her mother from her (daughter’s) property recently. Apparently, there are several stories of that nature yet the bible explicitly cautions against that act. For instance, Proverbs 19:26 says (NKJV): ²⁶He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach. God resents such behaviour; and my sister, that is something you should never do irrespective of any circumstances.

By the way, some children fervently support church work while ignoring their parents’ needs. However, Matthew 15:5-6 asserts how such a stance could render the Word of God ineffective for that child. The scripture reads (AMP): ⁵…‘If anyone says to his father or mother, “Whatever [money or resource that] I have that would help you is [already dedicated and] given to God,” ⁶he is not to honor his father or his mother [by helping them with their need].’ So by this you have invalidated the word of God [depriving it of force and authority and making it of no effect] for the sake of your tradition [handed down by the elders]. This scripture underscores the astounding importance that God attaches to supporting your parents