04.03.T01-RS — Reflection Scorecard: Becoming a Value-Adding Wife

Reflecting on the Value I Bring to My Marriage

This chapter demonstrates that a value-adding wife intentionally enriches her husband's life through respect, emotional support, honesty, wise communication, service, prayer, loyalty, encouragement and love. Through the contrasting examples of Michal's first and second phases of marriage to David, together with the author's personal experiences, we see how a wife can either add value to her husband's life or diminish it.

As you complete this Reflection Scorecard, reflect on the lessons from this chapter and consider how they apply to your own marriage or future marriage.

Part A: Understanding Value Addition in Marriage

1. Before reading this chapter, how did you define a value-adding wife?

2. How has this chapter changed your understanding of a wife's contribution to marriage?

3. What did you learn from Proverbs 31:10–11 about the value a wife brings to her husband?

4. Which lesson from this chapter challenged your thinking most strongly?

Part B: Learning from Michal's Story

5. What value did Michal add to David's life during the first phase of their marriage?

6. What actions demonstrated her commitment to David during that period?

7. What caused Michal to begin subtracting value from David's life during the second phase of their marriage?

8. Which mistake made by Michal do you consider most damaging to a marriage? Why?

9. What warning from Michal's story will stay with you the longest?

Part C: Respect and Communication

10. What did you learn about respect from the way Michal spoke to David?

11. Which aspect of respect described in Ephesians 5:33 challenged you most strongly?

12. What did you learn about the power of words in marriage?

13. Why is active listening presented as a sign of respect?

14. What lesson about speaking in the heat of the moment stood out most strongly to you?

Part D: Creating a Safe Space

15. What did you learn from Michal's efforts to protect David from Saul's assassins?

16. What does it mean to create a safe space for a husband?

17. Why may some men struggle to openly discuss their emotional concerns?

18. What practical lesson did you learn about being solution-oriented during conflict?

Part E: Packaging Criticism

19. What did you learn from Michal's failure to package her criticism constructively?

20. What is the difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism?

21. What did you learn about the "feedback sandwich" approach?

22. Which lesson about timing and delivery of criticism challenged you most strongly?

Part F: Boundaries, Honesty and Submission

23. What did you learn from Michal's decision to protect David rather than side with Saul?

24. Why is guarding against third-party interference important in marriage?

25. What lesson about honesty spoke most strongly to you?

26. How does honesty add value to a marriage relationship?

27. What did you learn from the author's ear-piercing story about willing submission?

Part G: Service and Joy

28. What did you learn about reading and responding to a husband's needs?

29. Why did Michal fail to meet David's emotional needs after the return of the Ark?

30. What did you learn about creating a joyful environment in marriage?

31. What insight did you gain from the author's observation that the atmosphere of the home often followed her emotional state?

Part H: Emotional Support

32. Which category of emotional support discussed in this chapter was new to you?

☐ Emotional support

☐ Instrumental support

☐ Informational support

☐ Appraisal support

☐ Esteem support

33. What did you learn from the author's support of her husband during their years in Tanzania?

34. Why is it important to provide the type of support that a husband actually needs rather than the type of support we assume he needs?

35. Which type of support do you believe husbands need most often? Why?

Part I: Financial, Physical and Practical Support

36. What did you learn about contributing to a husband's financial health?

37. What lesson did you learn from the author's decision to entrust financial management to her husband?

38. What did you learn about promoting a husband's physical wellness?

39. Why is reliability an important form of value addition in marriage?

Part J: Love, Intimacy and Prayer

40. What did you learn from Michal's willingness to risk her relationship with Saul in order to save David?

41. What lesson about love and intimacy challenged you most strongly?

42. What did you learn about praying for a husband?

43. Why is prayer presented as a form of value addition?

Looking at Myself

44. Which value-adding practice described in this chapter is currently your greatest strength?

45. Which value-adding practice requires the greatest improvement?

46. Which lesson from Michal's life challenged you most personally?

47. Which lesson from the author's marriage experiences inspired you most?

My Key Discoveries

48. The most important lesson I learned about being a value-adding wife is:

49. The value-adding practice I most need to develop is:

50. The example from this chapter that I will remember most is:

51. The biggest insight I gained about marriage is:

Before I Move On

52. If every wife consistently applied the principles from this chapter, what would be different about marriages today?

53. Which value-adding practice are you most committed to applying?

54. How has this chapter changed your understanding of what it means to be a value-adding wife?