04.05.08 The 4th Key for Adding Value to Your Child's Life

4. Clarify the Meanings of the Standards

One of the personal standards that I have clarified to our children over the years is ‘faith’, drawing from Hebrews 11:1 which elaborates that (AMP): Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].

I remember how one of our children reported to university believing that she would get a scholarship and actually got one. That took great faith. In fact, that year, both our children got scholarships from the same faculty. To us, for the University to grant scholarships to students from the same family was a great miracle (Ephesians 3:20-21). Over the years, our children have learnt the importance of meditating on and in the Word; identifying how it related to them at a personal level and the circumstances they were going through. They also know how to apply the Word by faith so that it delivers ‘what it promises to deliver’. They are adults now but I can attest to the fact that their faith in God’s Word has taken them places.

When we look at Salome’s story and her sons’ responses, it is obvious that she lacked a clear understanding of the implications of the high-level positions that she had requested Jesus to grant to her sons in Paradise (Matthew 20:21). While she may have sought to secure glamour and power for her sons, there was a horrid cup they would have to drink. James followed his mum hook, line and sinker, confirming his readiness to drink that cup (Matthew 20:22-23) a confession which got him martyred in the end.

A value-adding mother must have a clear understanding of the meanings and benefits of each of the standards that she identified for instilling in her child, and the negative consequences of non-compliance.

Once you clearly understand the standards you intend to focus on, have a conversation with your child to assist him or her to define and clarify those standards. Is she or he able to match the definitions with the actual meaning of each standard, if you were to write those on a sheet of paper? Which standards does the child consider to be the most important and why? Is the child abiding by any of those standards yet and if yes, how does she or he use those standards at school or home? Can she or he share any challenges encountered in the process? Which standards does she or he consider difficult to implement and why? Which standards are completely new? You will notice that an interactive and inclusive conversation will be more effective as the child feels free and relaxed to participate openly. Therefore, avoid using an authoritative commanding approach. Once you and the child are on the same page, it will be much easier to enforce and monitor his or her adherence to those standards.