04.03.T02-SA — Self-Assessment: Am I a Value-Adding Wife?

Assessing the Value I Bring to My Husband and Marriage

This chapter teaches that a value-adding wife intentionally enriches her husband's life through respect, wise communication, emotional support, honesty, service, reliability, prayer and love. Through the contrasting examples of Michal's relationship with David and the author's personal experiences, we see how a wife can either strengthen or weaken her marriage through her attitudes and actions.

Use this assessment to evaluate how consistently you are applying the principles discussed in this chapter.

Scoring Guide

Part A: Respecting My Husband

The chapter identifies respect as one of the greatest forms of value a wife can add to her husband.

1. I speak to my husband respectfully, even when I disagree with him.

Score: _____

2. I avoid ridiculing, belittling or embarrassing my husband.

Score: _____

3. I actively listen when my husband is communicating.

Score: _____

4. I make my husband feel valued and appreciated.

Score: _____

5. I am careful about my tone, facial expressions and body language.

Score: _____

Part B: Creating a Safe Space

The chapter highlights the importance of creating an environment where a husband feels safe and understood.

6. My husband feels safe sharing his thoughts and concerns with me.

Score: _____

7. I avoid being overly critical or judgmental.

Score: _____

8. I respond to sensitive issues with maturity and wisdom.

Score: _____

9. I seek solutions rather than assigning blame.

Score: _____

10. I protect my husband's dignity and wellbeing.

Score: _____

Part C: Packaging Criticism Wisely

The chapter contrasts destructive criticism with constructive criticism.

11. I choose the right time before discussing sensitive issues.

Score: _____

12. I communicate concerns in a constructive manner.

Score: _____

13. I avoid speaking in the heat of the moment.

Score: _____

14. I focus on solving problems rather than attacking my husband.

Score: _____

15. I balance correction with encouragement.

Score: _____

Part D: Protecting My Marriage

The chapter emphasises guarding against unnecessary third-party interference.

16. I maintain appropriate boundaries with relatives and friends.

Score: _____

17. I avoid exposing private marital matters unnecessarily.

Score: _____

18. I protect my husband's reputation before others.

Score: _____

19. I seek outside help wisely and appropriately when necessary.

Score: _____

20. I place the wellbeing of my marriage above unhealthy outside influences.

Score: _____

Part E: Honesty and Transparency

The chapter presents honesty as a major form of value addition.

21. I am honest with my husband about important matters.

Score: _____

22. I avoid deception, half-truths and unnecessary secrecy.

Score: _____

23. I discuss difficult issues openly rather than hiding them.

Score: _____

24. My husband can trust my word.

Score: _____

25. I am transparent about issues that affect our marriage.

Score: _____

Part F: Submission and Support

The chapter presents willing submission as a labour of love.

26. I willingly support my husband's God-given leadership.

Score: _____

27. I express my opinions respectfully even when we disagree.

Score: _____

28. I avoid competing with my husband for control.

Score: _____

29. I demonstrate loyalty and cooperation.

Score: _____

30. My support makes it easier for my husband to fulfil his responsibilities.

Score: _____

Part G: Service and Care

The chapter teaches that a wife should be ready to understand and respond to her husband's needs.

31. I intentionally look for ways to make my husband's life easier.

Score: _____

32. I pay attention to my husband's needs and concerns.

Score: _____

33. I willingly contribute to creating a peaceful home environment.

Score: _____

34. I am dependable when my husband needs assistance.

Score: _____

35. I view serving my family as an important responsibility.

Score: _____

Part H: Creating a Joyful Environment

The chapter teaches that a wife can significantly influence the atmosphere of her home.

36. I contribute positively to the emotional atmosphere of my home.

Score: _____

37. I intentionally protect my joy and emotional wellbeing.

Score: _____

38. I encourage and uplift my husband.

Score: _____

39. I focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

Score: _____

40. My presence contributes to peace, warmth and encouragement.

Score: _____

Part I: Emotional Support

The chapter discusses emotional, informational, instrumental, appraisal and esteem support.

41. I provide encouragement when my husband faces challenges.

Score: _____

42. I reassure my husband that he is valued and appreciated.

Score: _____

43. I recognise and affirm my husband's strengths.

Score: _____

44. I provide practical support when he is overwhelmed.

Score: _____

45. I seek to understand the type of support he actually needs.

Score: _____

Part J: Financial, Physical and Practical Support

The chapter discusses contributing to financial health, physical wellness and reliability.

46. I contribute positively to the financial wellbeing of our home.

Score: _____

47. I support wise financial planning and stewardship.

Score: _____

48. I encourage healthy living and physical wellbeing.

Score: _____

49. I keep my promises and commitments.

Score: _____

50. My husband can depend on me when needed.

Score: _____

Part K: Love, Intimacy and Prayer

The chapter concludes by highlighting love, intimacy and prayer.

51. I intentionally express love and affection to my husband.

Score: _____

52. I make an effort to keep our relationship warm and connected.

Score: _____

53. I regularly pray for my husband.

Score: _____

54. I pray specifically about his needs, goals and challenges.

Score: _____

55. I view my husband's wellbeing as one of my priorities.

Score: _____

Scoring Summary

Part A Total: _____ / 25

Part B Total: _____ / 25

Part C Total: _____ / 25

Part D Total: _____ / 25

Part E Total: _____ / 25

Part F Total: _____ / 25

Part G Total: _____ / 25

Part H Total: _____ / 25

Part I Total: _____ / 25

Part J Total: _____ / 25

Part K Total: _____ / 25

Grand Total

Total Score: _____ / 275

Reflection on My Results

56. Which area received your highest score?

57. Which area received your lowest score?

58. Looking at Michal's story, which of her positive qualities do you most demonstrate?

☐ Loyalty

☐ Protectiveness

☐ Courage

☐ Honesty

☐ Supportiveness

☐ Other: ____________

59. Which of Michal's mistakes do you most need to guard against?

☐ Disrespectful communication

☐ Destructive criticism

☐ Failure to understand my husband's perspective

☐ Failure to create a safe space

☐ Neglecting emotional support

☐ Other: ____________

60. Which area of value addition requires the greatest improvement in your marriage?

61. If your husband completed this assessment about you, which three areas would likely receive the highest scores?

62. Which three areas would likely receive the lowest scores?

63. What one change would most increase the value you add to your husband's life during the next twelve months?