08.05.12 The 6th Key for Evaluating a Prospective Partner's Decision-Making Ability

6. Does the Person Learn from the Mistakes of Decisions He or She Made in the Past?

Observe how the prospective partner responds when earlier decisions produce long-term negative consequences. Does the person recognise the impact of those choices and adjust accordingly; or does she or he continue making poor decisions without reflecting on possible repercussions prior? When difficulties emerge from choices that the individual made earlier, is there evidence to show how that experience reshaped the person’s decision-making process?

Abraham could have noted Sarah’s tendency to learn from mistakes arising from poor decisions and the long-term consequences of the same. We all know how she used Hagar as a surrogate mother and the storms that followed. What began as an attempt to resolve the delay of a long-awaited child ended up introducing strain in their household as well as conflict between the two women and, later, between their sons (Genesis 16:4–6; 21:9–10). These developments revealed the consequences of that decision. Although the bible does not report Sarah formally acknowledging error, we see that 14 years passed before Isaac was born (Genesis 16:16; and Genesis 21:5). But Sarah did not try to use either Hagar or any other maid to get more children; which could suggest that she learned from the negative repercussions of the decision she had made.

Sheila's case was different. The trail of the negative repercussions of her poor choices showed that the girl was not ready to learn from her mistakes and adjust her decision-making processes. Right from the impulsiveness of the Dubai trip, Asha's accommodation, then, later, the indecision on the pageant proposal showed no evidence of improvement.

A partner who acknowledges and learns from past mistakes demonstrates an important aspect of maturity. Reflecting on earlier decisions helps prevent the repetition of avoidable errors and strengthens the person's future judgement. Such growth ensures that your shared decisions benefit from such experience rather than repeating the same patterns.