08.03.04 When Cultural Traditions Threatened Caroline and Robert's Future - A Fictitious Story

When Cultural Traditions Threatened Caroline and Robert’s Future – A Fictitious Story ü

Caroline, a brilliant Risk Analyst at an investment firm, had returned after years of study and working as an expatriate in the UK. Robert was a literature lecturer at a private university. The two met at a friend’s networking dinner and quickly developed a connection. Soon, they were courting, and friends assumed the two were heading toward marriage.

Some months into their courtship, Robert received an offer as a part-time lecturer at a prestigious graduate school upcountry, offering better pay and significant professional exposure. The couple celebrated the news. But a few days later, the man declined the offer, saying that his elder brother had warned that the school was too far. Caroline was taken aback. “This is your career, Robert!”, she exclaimed. But her comments went unheard.

Then came the time when they began discussing future living arrangements. Caroline suggested a modest apartment between their workplaces to reduce commuting time and save money, and Robert eagerly agreed. They even viewed a few places together. But after a weekend visit to his family, his tone changed completely. “We cannot live away from home,” the man announced abruptly. Caroline blinked. “But… we agreed and even viewed the property.” What followed was a response that she found hard to believe. Alarmingly, Robert went on the defensive. “My mother and sisters are not comfortable with our decision,” he muttered with a slightly raised voice. Caroline felt her heart sink as it came to the realisation that she wasn’t only engaging with Robert but an entire household. On consulting her mentor, Prisca, the older lady warned,: “Caroline, when ‘family’ becomes the compass for every decision the two of you make, it is no longer guidance. It is control!”

Months thereafter, Robert built a new house on their family land. What was striking, though, was that the finishings were orchestrated entirely by his mother and sisters, from the wall colours to the garden layout. On several outings, he would pull out photos and say, “Mum chose this,… My sisters arranged that”, presenting their choices as the best in the world. But not at any point did he involve Caroline in the project.

When January approached, Caroline asked what Robert’s plans were for the first week of the year, hoping that they could line up some activities for the festive season. But much to her surprise, the man explained how he had to attend a ritual in the village at the beginning of every year, since he was a twin. “If I skip, it can invite misfortunes and tragedies”, he revealed. “Robert”, she responded with unhidden amazement,. “You know that contradicts everything we believe.” But the man was not convinced. “It’s just culture. You people who overstayed in the West… You don’t understand Africa.” Caroline was very offended but chose to let the comment pass.

It was a few weeks thereafter that the Pastor gave a powerful sermon entitled: Let Scripture Guide Culture. And Caroline could see Robert’s jaw tighten whenever the Man of God emphasised that culture must bow to biblical truth. After the service, they went for lunch. Robert poked at his food, visibly agitated, complaining that the Pastor had gone too far. “Why demonise everything traditional? Not everything cultural is evil”, he grumbled. That was when Caroline started to sense a warning in her spirit.

The climax came the day Robert completed his house and invited Caroline for a house-warming celebration. But the moment she entered the compound, the young woman was greeted with a sight she will never forget. Animal skins were spread out in the garden. A calabash sat at the centre. Then a man dressed in ritual attire stepped forward, rattles in hand, chanting. Family members formed a circle around him. Robert, his mother, sisters and visitors were clapping rhythmically, fully absorbed as they danced. She rushed to the back of the house, pushed open a small door to the restroom and barely made it before she vomited. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she leaned over the sink. She had to leave immediately, fortunately, Robert had not yet noticed that she had arrived.

Some minutes later, Robert called. “Carol, we started a long time ago. Where are you?”, he asked frantically. “I came and left”, she responded, her voice trembling but clear. “You and others were dancing in a circle. And I cannot take that. It is over.” Then she ended the call.