08.01.03 How Intellectual Maturity Works in Our Marriage

How Intellectual Maturity Works in Our Marriage

My Personal Experience

One of the attributes that I admire about my husband is his ‘brains’. The man is extremely intelligent. Of mention is his tendency to churn up solutions to problems that would have otherwise required us to hire a technician or some form of external help, a thing which saves us a lot of money. Come to think of that, his 'Do It Yourself tendencies are not that surprising,  considering that at ten years old, he could actually 'manufacture' keys after dismantling his father’s old locks, as I learnt early in our relationship. 

I vividly recall the day a crack developed in one of my favorite bathroom sinks, soon after which a round piece dropped out, leaving an ugly tiny hole. Any woman would understand how that felt, since the sink was a very precious item. For not only had I walked up and down the dusty streets of the infamous Kampala Industrial Area searching for a sink that could match my bathroom tiles, but the item was pricey. It was on that the backdrop that my husband conjured up a remedy for the broken sink. To save the situation, he got the handle of a porcelain cup that had broken some years back, crushed it into powder, added some stuff and blocked the hole. I was overjoyed, to say the least! Can you imagine what life would have been like, if I was married to a man who would just fold his arms or look blankly in defeat whenever something got spoilt at home, for goodness sake? 

My husband is also very good with numbers and can solve calculations without a calculator. That attribute comes in quite handy whenever we have building materials and other supplies to pay or plan for; as well as payments to make. It is very difficult for technicians to wind him 'around their little fingers' thinking that they can rip him off.

Intellectual maturity puts my husband and I on the same page as consultants. For instance, when working together on an assignment, we make sound refinements, express our thoughts clearly and listen with intention, considering each other's perspectives without becoming defensive. We are able to make intelligent analyses about issues and identify and address root causes of problems rather than making premature judgements. Recently, for instance, we completed a 900-page report for an agency after an 18-month training programme. Each of us played a key role in compiling such an unusually huge report, the quality of which was greatly appreciated and acknowledged by the client.

Our intellectual maturity is a great advantage when making high quality decisions; since we weigh the pros and cons rather than relying on mere impulse. I can never forget how that attribute came into play when we considered moving from Arusha to Dar es Salaam. It would indeed be a mega decision given that Arusha was our 'comfort zone'. Not only had we worked and lived there for several years but many reputable organisations had welcomed our new consultancy firm with open arms, promising to support us. Arusha had become our second home. And much as Dar es Salaam had opened up for us, necessitating that we frequently drive to and fro as the demand for our services grew to impressive proportions, moving our home carried significant social costs including leaving our beloved church, Calvary Temple, which had received us with warmth and loving care. Our senior pastor, Reverend Wilson Kimaro, had become more than a spiritual father, treating us as though we were his biological children. Nonetheless, we prayerfully and objectively weighed all available options, sought clarity from God, and with that assurance, made the bold move to Dar.

Being intellectually mature strengthens the quality of our engagement with one another. It is common to share ideas, perspectives and reflections that deeply engage each other’s reasoning capacity. We are one another’s ‘third and fourth eye’ so to speak, deliberately inviting each other to challenge one another's thinking and give constructive criticism, just in case some important item has been missed out. In other words, we are open to learning and willing to consider different perspectives without turning differences into competition. Having conflicting opinions is an advantage, since it opens our minds to see what one of us could have ignored. In our discussions, it is usual to intellectually compare the pros and cons of choices and allow each other to punch holes in our ideas or proposals.

Last but not least, we logically understand that none of us is an ‘all in all’, and that God has put us together to complement each other. We know that our intellect is God’s gift to enable us convert challenges into pathways to a higher level rather than set us back. So, together, we approach situations ‘face-on’ rather than settling for unrealistic assumptions or crumbling in defeat.