05.06.13 The 11th Practice for Responding to Negative Gossip About You : Do Not Repay Gossip for Gossip
Do not Repay ‘Gossip for Gossip’
Simply because a person has gossiped against you does not make gossiping ‘right’. It is bad to gossip! So, do not get even by using ‘gossip for gossip’ or conjure up a hotter rumour as a ‘pay-back’ as if subscribing to the law of ‘an eye for an eye’ or ‘a tooth for a tooth’ (Exodus 21:24). As a matter of fact, despite that law having been the modus operandi in the days of the Old Testament (see Leviticus 24:19-21), Jesus abolished it in Matthew 5:38-39 where he said (GNT): 38You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39But now I tell you: do not take revenge on someone who wrongs you... If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, let him slap your left cheek too.
I do remember feeling like ‘going public’, crying ‘foul’ and exposing just how inhuman the initiators of the rumour against us were. In fact, the day someone from ‘behind the scenes’ ‘tipped me’ that the allegations against us had been found to be false after a thorough investigation, I demanded that those findings should be put in writing to clear our name since the mongers had defamed it. However, a written clearance was not possible, again for reasons that are beyond the scope of this book. Moreover, had I gone public, my actions would have generated very hot gossip against the gossip-mongers and their cohorts, as well as ourselves. Therefore, I had to repeatedly remind myself that there was no need to get even since vengeance was God’s and that He would sort those people out (Romans 12:19-21).
Reading Nehemiah’s narrative, there were many opportunities for him to gossip against Sanballat, Tobiah, Geshem and others. But the bible does not mention such a happening; so I would not be surprised if Nehemiah just left God to handle the matter.
In the JuaLink story, you may remember how Obed had opted to repay gossip for gossip by manufacturing a rumour about Neema and Faraja in return. At the end of the day, not only did he end up sacked but there is a high probability that his wife’s ‘feedback-insensitive’ business went down the drain.
Therefore, do not fight gossip with gossip as that could lead to a cold war of words between you and the monger. To be precise, using that approach could worsen the situation, as some people enjoy watching words hurled back and forth between gossipmongers and their victims.
However, as already discussed elsewhere, it does not mean that you cannot raise an alarm or alert your superiors in case the negative gossip is getting out of hand, but you should never do that as a means of avenging yourself. As said already, ignoring the gossip can actually make a rumour ‘die down’. Above all else, God can handle the gossiper for you if you only let Him (Hebrews 10:30). See what Romans 12:19 says (EASY): 19My friends, if someone has done bad things to you, do not try to punish them yourselves. Instead, let God be angry and punish them. This is what is written in the Bible: ‘The Lord God says, “When people do something wrong, I am the one who will punish them. I will pay them back.” ’
In addition, under no circumstances should you ever tell lies or slander the negative gossiper, irrespective of how unfair the rumour that he or she manufactured about you may sound. Psalms 34:13 warns us that (ESV): 13Keep your tongue from evil ... Therefore, it is good discipline to always make sure that the words of your mouth and the meditation of your heart are acceptable in God’s sight (Psalm 19:14) even when surrounded by rumours about ‘you’, left, right and centre.