05.06.10 The 8th Practice for Responding to Negative Gossip About You : Consider the Pros and Cons of Confronting the Gossiper

Consider the Pros and Cons of Confronting the Gossiper

You may encounter instances where the rumour is so toxic that you rightfully deserve an explanation from the gossiper. In such circumstances, it may make sense to consider confronting the person; but even then, weigh the options.

When it came to us, you can never guess the number of times I seriously contemplated confronting the suspected initiators of that negative gossip, though agreeably, such an option had numerous drawbacks. Supposing the men had ‘Godfathers’ that had pushed them to manufacture the defamatory rumour to their benefit and that of their clique? What if the engineers of that gossip were a stooge of some faceless but highly powerful opponents? Who exactly would we be ‘confronting and what would we achieve by doing so?

Unlike in our case, Nehemiah managed to confront Sanballat and Geshem the Arab but even so, after the wall-rebuilding project was almost complete. To recap, you may remember how they had sent four messages requesting for a meeting. When he turned down all their requests, they sent their aide to deliver an unsealed letter with false information at which point he took them straight-on by responding that they were lying (Nehemiah 6:1-8).

For the case of JuaLink, Obed could have actually ‘confronted’ the three women, that is, Neema, Faraja and Lulu, by inviting them to a meeting to find out more about the gossip-loaded audio clip that the publicity officer had shared; then ascertaining whether Lulu’s claims were true or not.Such an approach would have gone a long way in getting to the bottom of the issue.

Therefore, before facing a gossiper, consider the possible repercussions in the short, medium and long term. Will confronting the monger improve the situation or exacerbate it instead? Are you acting emotionally or objectively? What does God have to say about it? Those are some of the pertinent questions that Faraja should have asked before deciding to quizz Lulu about the ‘abortions-gossip’. You may remember how that ‘face-off’ did not achieve its intended objective but just escalated the situation, with Lulu vowing to spread the gossip like wildfire going forward.

That said however, you still could decide to confront a gossiper. In an organisation setting, first make sure that there is a gossip management policy or its equivalent that permits you to summon the person directly so that you do not break rules. Also, check that the policy classifies that kind of rumour as ‘negative gossip’.

When engaging the negative gossiper, avoid appearing visibly upset. Control yourself. Harness your emotions such that you can avoid venting or ‘letting off steam’ in the monger’spresence. Remember that since you cannot seal a person’s mouth 24/7, blowing up the gossiper may not achieve anything other than intensifying the issue. Therefore, be firm but respectful and polite. Also, if possible, record your discussion and have a witness present, for example, the person who brought the rumour, so that the gossiper does not claim things that you never said during the face-to-face session.