05.06.05 The 3rd Practice for Responding to Negative Gossip About You : Study the Situation Before You React

Study the Situation before you React

When you hear that people have been ‘negatively gossiping’ against you, take time to study the situation rather than swinging into action or rushing to react.

To be honest, when the defamatory rumour about us hit, I was too overwhelmed to cool down before switching to reaction mode. I remember running here and there like a headless chicken, informing some ‘powerful' people who I thought would clear our name and ‘reign the suspected gossipmongers in’, but all that they did was to advise me to hang in there. Although God eventually vindicated us, but looking back, things would have been much different had I calmed down and unleashed my spiritual weapons first (2 Corinthians 10:3-6) before hitting the street in search of some form of a remedy.

Nehemiah was good at studying the situation before reacting. This comes out clearly in Nehemiah 6:1-5 where we see him analysing the circumstances before responding to the messages from Sanballat and Geshem the Arab.

Just like in my case, Faraja’s approach was different from Nehemiah’s. Looking at the JuaLink narrative, the publicity manager was not strong enough to compose herself when gossiped against. You may recall how she reacted the minute she realised that Lulu was the schemer behind the Pro-Life Seminar that Obed had maliciously organised. However, the publicity manager should have accorded time to study the situation rather than swiftly coming out with a public outburst of uncontrolled anger, right before her team members or supervisees.

Therefore, before you react, ask: Who are the gossip-mongers or cliques and what is their motive or agenda? What is the culture of the environment like and how is it fanning that gossip? Who is who amongst the gossipmongers? Who has a relationship with who, and, what kind of relationship is it? What are the politics of the office or entity? Will your reaction extinguish the negative gossip or fan it instead? The answers to these questions are critically important if you are to react prudently.

Remember to allow yourself the luxury of cooling down before saying or doing anything that you may later regret, since if you spit words like a volcano, your ‘magma’ could destroy relationships that would have otherwise been useful for your progress. Notably, Proverbs 10:19 says (AMP): ¹⁹When there are many words, transgression and offense are unavoidable, but he who controls his lips and keeps thoughtful silence is wise. In other words, think through issues then react in a way that will give God glory and favour your advancement in the short, medium and long run.

Another thing to note is that some friends could be chronic gossipers. They are friends. Yes. But with that one weakness: gossipmongering! Yet you may still need their friendship despite that flaw; especially since no one is an angel. Therefore, should you wish to indicate your displeasure with their gossip, package that message sternly but without ruining your relationship if possible. You may recall that at JuaLink, Sarah faced such a challenge since she was surrounded by prayer partners most of whom were steeped in gossip. However, she was very constructive in the way she would criticise their gossiping habits.